TeenHealthFX - Answers - Brother and Father Fight Often, And Father Is Older

Parents & Family / Question
Published: March 12, 2008

Dear TeenHealthFX,

my brother and dad fight alot and my dad is really old so when he starts to yell i get afraid that something will happen. i've once ran into the room crying and yelling to stop. my brother is a strong

Signed: Brother and Father Fight Often, And Father Is Older

Dear Brother and Father Fight Often, And Father Is Older,

It is very scary to see family members fighting and people losing control of their tempers. And those feelings are only exacerbated when there is concern that someone involved in the fighting might really get seriously hurt. That said, TeenHealthFX can understand why you are so affected by the fighting the goes on between your father and brother, and why you would like it to stop.

FX suggests that you start by having separate conversations with your father and brother. When talking to your father, let him know how upsetting these fights are to you – that it is very troubling to you to see such angry displays between him and your brother, and that you are also concerned that someone may eventually get really hurt if these fights continue. Tell your father that it would be very meaningful for you if he would either agree not to get caught up in the fights, try alternate ways to deal with your brother, or consider family counseling so that he and your brother can find peaceful means of resolving their conflicts with one another.

Then speak with your brother and also let him know how the fighting upsets you and how much you are concerned that this continued arguing is going to negatively impact your father’s health. Let your brother know that it would be meaningful for him to either lay off of your dad, or find other, more peaceful means of dealing with any issues that come up between him and your father.

If neither your father nor brother is willing to take what you have to say into consideration or agree to make any changes in how they deal with one another, FX wants you to consider two things. The first is that it is out of your control how they choose to deal with one another, and in the end they are ultimately responsible for where their actions lead them – and this is true for both your brother and father – they each have choices about how they want to deal with each other and with fights and they each will contribute to every argument they have with one another and the outcomes of those arguments. Second, if the fights continue FX wonders if it would be helpful for you to speak with a counselor at school or private therapist so that you can get some support and guidance in how you can deal with what is going on. A counselor could also help to advocate for your needs with your father and address some of the family issues going on.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers.

Signed: TeenHealthFX