Parents & Family / Question
Published: April 16, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am having problems with my mom. I just barely got my first boyfriend. I have been with him for three months now and I really care about him. But I do not want to have sex before I am married and neither does he so we both have tried to make some lines and we have slipped up a little but nothing really serious has happened and the few times we slipped up we have told ourselves ok we messed up but lets just keep going and just not do that again. And in doing that we have done well. But my mother thinks it's a lot worse than it really is. She has barely told me that she wouldn't be surprised if I did end up having sex with him and even though she didn't say it I think she thinks we may have had sex or oral sex or something like that. I just feel like she has just given up on me. I almost want to give up too and just screw it and forget about everything and just do it, except for the fact that I really don't want to. I feel like I want to not have sex just to show her that I did what she thought I couldn't. But how do I behave now? How can I prove to her that it's not that bad?
Signed: How Can I Prove To My Mother That I Do Want To Wait To Have Sex?
Dear How Can I Prove To My Mother That I Do Want To Wait To Have Sex?,
When someone coveys to us that they do not have faith in our being able to achieve a particular goal, we have two choices. We can either go along with their pessimism and give up on what we are working on, or we can use their doubts to fuel us to work doubly hard to ensure we achieve that goal – that despite the difficulties and lack of support we still did whatever it was we set out to do. TeenHealthFX certainly hopes that you can find the strength and drive to do the latter when it comes to deciding whether or not to wait to have sex, because you will be staying true to yourself and what you really want, and because it is a wonderful feeling to accomplish something despite the odds or lack of faith in others!
FX also hopes that you will sit down with your mother and let her know how you are feeling. You can even show her what you wrote to us if that helps to get the ball rolling. Be clear with her that this goal is incredibly important to you, but that, like any other human being, you are not perfect and may have minor slip ups here in there in working towards your goal. But be clear with her that what helps to drive you even further with your goal is having her faith and support.
If you feel that you may need a third party to help you and your mother work through this issue – or any other issues that might be in the relationship right now – consider meeting with a family therapist. A family therapist can help the two of you to articulate your feelings, come to a better understanding and awareness of where the other is coming from, and make changes in how you relate to one another that will strengthen the relationship.
If you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
The highest Chlamydia rates occurred among women ages 15 to 19 and 20 to 24.
