ME & Relationships / Question
Published: July 30, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I don't really feel safe in my school. There are always people looking to fight and if you're not part of a group you're on your own with nobody to protect you. I'm tired of always acting tough when it's not really who I am underneath. And I'm tired of all this group stuff, like who's the leader and which group is fighting which. But if I'm not in a group I feel too alone. What should I do?
Signed: Don't Feel Safe In My School
Dear Don't Feel Safe In My School,
Your desire to move on past the pointlessness of this violence in your school is very brave and worthy of emulation. And TeenHealthFX thinks that emulation could really help your cause. You want to leave this feuding group without choosing solitude, and FX hopes your fortitude will persuade others to want to do the same thing. Try to explain to your group how sick you are of the fighting and that you want to make a change. You will not make them all instant converts to pacifism, but maybe one or two of your buddies will agree with your feelings about this and will want to leave the group with you and put this all behind them as well. In this desirable alternative you can leave your group without having to be alone.
If none of your friends can appreciate your point of view or want to join you in your efforts, FX advocates that you try to make friends outside of your group so you can still leave the violence without having to be alone. Joining activities like clubs or sports can present great opportunities for making friends. Putting yourself out there can be hard and making friends can also take a while. You might also have to work to erase the stigma attached with your old group. Immerse yourself in your activities and schoolwork to help you feel less alone.
If you feel that there is just something about your school environment that makes it particularly hard to get away from the fighting, FX recommends that you speak to your parents about your concerns. It is possible that you may really need to be in a different school environment where the focus is on safety and education, not forming problematic peer groups and fighting. Look into what private schools are available in your area, and see if any offer scholarship programs if money is an issue. If you feel you need a real change, you can also look into boarding schools, many of which also offer scholarships for those who require financial assistance. But the main point here is to talk to your parents, help them to understand what you are going through, and make sure you lean on them for encouragement and support as you all brainstorm the best ways in which to address this problem.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Less than 33% of teens with depression get help, yet 80% of teens with depression can be successfully treated if they seek help from a doctor or therapist.
