TeenHealthFX - Answers - Should I Wait For My Boyfriend While He Is In Juvey?

Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: August 20, 2008

Dear TeenHealthFX,

ok so there is this boy that i really love... but he did something that got him in trouble... and now he is in juvey... he can call me sometimes but its not the same as seeing him... he told me he still wants to be with me and he wants me to wait for him... but im not sure if i should wait four years for him... what should i do??

Signed: Should I Wait For My Boyfriend While He Is In Juvey?

Dear Should I Wait For My Boyfriend While He Is In Juvey?,

You are in a tough situation, but unfortunately TeenHealthFX can’t tell you what to do. Only you know what the right decision for you is and what will work best for where you are right now in your life. What FX does suggest is that in order to make your decision that you think about the following questions – either ponder then on your own or discuss them with a trusted adult:

You didn’t mention what the “something” was that landed your boyfriend in juvey for four years. But FX would like you to think about this thing he did, and what you feel it says about his values, character, beliefs, and emotional health. Whatever crime he committed, does it change the way you see him or feel about him? Do you have any issues being with someone who would commit that type of crime?
Are you okay about being in a relationship for four years that will consist mainly of letters and phone calls? Or are you in a place where that will be too difficult for you and you need someone who can give you more of themselves to you right now?
Do you feel you can stay committed in this type of relationship or will you find yourself tempted to cheat? It’s important that you are honest with yourself about this so that you don’t set yourself up for something you don’t want or can’t handle.
Do you feel very settled with your boyfriend that he is “the one” or are in you in a place where you would like to date and discover more about what you want in a significant other and who is the right person for you? If you are not feeling very sure of how long-term you would like this relationship to be, then FX would like you to consider whether you really want to spend four years in this type of a relationship with someone you are not sure you want to be with in the long-run.

Whether your stay with this boy or not, is your decision. But keep in mind that it is okay if you choose not to stay with him. He made a choice to break the law, and those kinds of choices can have all kinds of consequences – including losing relationships with some of the people we love. In addition, if you are worried about just cutting him off, keep in mind that you can always be there for him as a friend. If you decide not to be with him, let him know that he is still welcome to call and write – and that you will be there for him with support – but as a friend, not a girlfriend.

If after answering these questions and thinking about your answers you are still unsure of what you want to do, consider speaking with a trusted adult. In addition, it is fine for you to take some time for you to figure this out and to let your boyfriend know that you need him to give you some time and space to wrap your arms around this. You have just been confronted with a very big change in your relationship, and it is understandable and reasonable if you need time to process the situation and decide what is right for you.

Signed: TeenHealthFX