Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: April 3, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Im a 14 YO female and I have a 44 YO guy that I am seeing I tihnk I am in love with him hes not married. but I know it is against the law to be with him so I dont know if I should stay with him cause we love each other or if I should get rid of him because its against the law or if I just just try to be his friend till I am 18 I kinda need some help here because my parents wont tell me what to do.
Signed: 14 Year Old With 44 Year Old Boyfriend
Dear 14 Year Old With 44 Year Old Boyfriend,
TeenHealthFX strongly encourages you to end this relationship immediately. FX understands that you believe that you love this person but this association is unhealthy for you for many reasons. There is an inequity in power in the relationship that puts you in a position to be exploited. Men who are attracted to young girls very often do so because they can be in total control of the relationship. What you may feel is special attention really is a manipulation on his part.
You have to ask yourself why the legal system would prosecute this man and most likely place him in jail. The law recognizes that there are people who exploit children and adolescents for their own sexual gratification. There is an understanding how devastating this behavior can be to a young person and the legal system recognizes its responsibility to protect the minor. If you think your relationship is different or that people do not understand that you are in love, this is more evidence that you have been inappropriately influenced by this man.
Another issue to consider is how isolated from your peer group you will become as a result of this relationship. Because the relationship is inappropriate is has to be conducted in secret. Since you most likely want to protect this person so you cannot talk to others (including your friends) about issues that come up. You become dependant on this man, which makes control for him much easier.
It is important for you to remember that you have done nothing wrong. You probably are a very caring, trusting person who has gotten yourself into a bad situation. These are the exact qualities that sex offender's use to get close to their victims. Once again TeenHealthFX strongly urges you to end this relationship right away.
At some point you may start to have feelings about what has happened that you and have a hard time understanding them. It would be a good idea to talk with a school counselor or private therapist to sort out your emotions rather then trying to deal with them on your own or just trying to forget them.
If you would like more information on this topic you can contact, Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAIN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week. If you would like help finding a therapist is northern New Jersey call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Adolescents are more likely than young adults to become dependent on prescription medications.
