Same-Sex Relationships / Question
Published: October 13, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am in great need of some advice. I'm 17 years old and i always considered myself to be heterosexual. Although, there is this boy in my class that i developed particular interest in and then found myself to have a same sex crush on him. He has a girlfriend...and i am sure he will not give back to me what i feel towards him. In the beginning, we didn't talk much and didn't relate, but lately at school we talk a lot, he's really nice to me, playful and we get a long great.I also have a big attraction to him, since i find him to be very handsome and intelligent. But still, i have the feeling i am unable to befriend him, though i try a lot and we seem to have great empathy. I'd love to just be his friend, the kind of friend that you go out with, have fun, share secrets...but how do i do that?...he also hangs around a totally different crowd than me...but somehow when we are together i feel that he tries to call my attention and find excuses to talk to me and fool around. But on msn, if i don't start a conversation, he doesn't start spontaneously...i don't get it...he sends so much mixed signals! He also used to get upset when we were in the same team in gym class (im not very good at sports), but now he motivates me alot and teaches me what to do. I just don't know how to make us be true friends...what do you advise me to do to befriend him and in terms of handling my emotions? Any other advice you think is important would be awesome!
Signed: How Can I Befriend The Guy I Have A Crush On?
Dear How Can I Befriend The Guy I Have A Crush On?,
TeenHealthFX has serious concerns about your befriending this person knowing that you have a huge crush on him and that, from what you have described, he most likely only views you as a friend. If the two of you begin to get closer, but he is viewing it as strictly a friendship and in the back of your head you are still having your crush or hoping that something more will come out of it, it could end up being a very hurtful situation for you. You will probably spend a lot of time analyzing his actions (as you have done in your email), and you will probably be left wanting more from him than he will be able to give. It sounds like you are feeling clear that this guy is heterosexual, and that you know for a fact he has a girlfriend. Therefore, the chances of something romantic happening between the two of you appears unlikely. It can be very sad and painful when a crush doesn’t turn into something more. But rather than putting your energy into pursuing something that probably won’t happen and setting yourself up for a painful ending, FX thinks that it is important to let the idea of forming this close friendship with him go. Instead focus your attention on making friends where the crush issue won’t be a potential interfering factor, and on developing crushes with people who are single and, if male, are gay or bisexual.
These emotions can be very difficult to handle – teens are constantly dealing with crushes and the let downs that can go along with them. To cope with your emotions in these times, FX thinks that it is very important that you have peers and adults in your life you can go to for support and guidance with these issues. One of the best ways to handle these difficult times is to know that the negative feelings may take time to go away, but that they will eventually subside – and to have a shoulder to lean on until they do.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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