Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: October 20, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I met this guy at a party a week ago. we got chatting and got on really well. We ended up kissing and at the end of the night he asked for my number. we have been texting and speaking all week. He keeps telling me how beautiful and lovely i am. Though we have only met the once. I feel he is going too fast and have told him this but he keeps saying things such as i want you, whish you were here, missing you loads babe. He has asked to meet me again, but some friends that know him have told me how obsessive he is and that he never leaves the person he likes alone. I have never had a proper boyfriend and dont know whether i just like the idea of having one or if i do like him. i dont know what to do, please help!!
Signed: Worried The Guy I Met Gets Too Obsessive With His Girlfriends
Dear Worried The Guy I Met Gets Too Obsessive With His Girlfriends,
It sounds like you are getting information from your friends that this guy can become too obsessive with the girls he dates, and that you, yourself, are experiencing him as moving too fast with this relationship. TeenHealthFX thinks that it is very important that you not ignore what you have noticed and what your friends are telling you, as relationships colored too much by obsessive behaviors run the risk of becoming abusive in nature. Being overly obsessive could lead to extreme jealousy and subsequent controlling or verbally/physically hurtful behaviors, which are forms of abuse in a dating relationship.
That said, if your gut tells you that your involvement with this guy is moving in a bad direction, FX recommends that you clearly end the relationship with him and not respond to any further attempts at his communicating with you through phone, text, or email. If you think this is more of an issue of him just becoming attached too quickly or slightly smothering and you would like to see if the relationship could work, then FX thinks that it is important for you to set very clear boundaries with him. Let him know what he says or does that is unacceptable to you. For example, if he calls or texts too often, let him know you need him to slow down and cut back. If he starts saying “I love you,” when it feels premature, again, let him know that he needs to slow down and that it is too soon for those kinds of statements. If he respects your wishes and acts accordingly, proceed, but make sure to take it slow and keep your eye out for any increase in obsessive behaviors. If he is unable to respect your wishes, then FX thinks it is important for you to end the relationship. An important part of being in a relationship is listening to your partner’s wishes and needs and respecting them. If he is unable to do that, this relationship will probably move into an unhealthy direction.
If you find that you are still confused about this boy and how to handle the situation, FX recommends that you speak with a trusted adult. Talk with your parents, an extended family member, a guidance counselor or school social worker, a teacher, or any other adult who can provide you with some support and guidance with this.
To learn more about abusive relationships – what constitutes an abusive relationship, what to do if you are in one, and available resources for those experiencing dating violence – please read the question and answer to “Could I Be In An Abusive Relationship?” under the Rape, Abuse, and Violence section of the website.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
One in four teenage girls in the 
