TeenHealthFX - Answers - Told My Girlfriend I Wanted To Break Up, But Didn't Mean It

Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: January 19, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

A few days ago my girlfriend and I had a fight and then out of anger and frustration i told her i was breaking up with her but i didn't mean it. She is still wants to be with me but she's heartbroken. What can I do to make it better? We've been together for over a year and we're 15. Help me please.

Signed: Told My Girlfriend I Wanted To Break Up, But Didn't Mean It

Dear Told My Girlfriend I Wanted To Break Up, But Didn't Mean It,

When people are angry and in a fight, it is easy to say things that they later want to take back. It sounds like in your anger and frustration during this fight with your girlfriend you experienced that first hand.

To remedy this situation, TeenHealthFX recommends that you make some kind of gesture that lets your girlfriend know that you do care about her and do want the relationship to continue. Whether you get her a nice card, buy her some flowers, write her a poem, cook her dinner, make her a CD mix of songs that are meaningful to you, or whatever else – think about what would feel like a loving gesture to her and then do that thing.

FX also recommends that you and your girlfriend talk about this fight (or fights in general) at some point when both of you are calm. Try to figure out together how things got so out of hand during the last fight and talk about what each of you needs to do differently to ensure fights in the future don’t escalate in the same way. For example, if either or both of you tends to hold things in, make an effort to talk about any negative feelings as soon as possible so things can be worked out and so those feelings do not stew inside to the point where someone explodes. If one or both of you needs time to cool down or process before you can talk it out, agree to let that person have that time. If one person is losing their temper, the other person needs to calmly say that this isn’t a good time to talk about this and we need to discuss it when are both calmer (as nothing productive will come out of a discussion when one or both people are enraged).

If you find that you need some support and guidance in dealing with this situation, or in learning how to better handle disagreements in the future, consider speaking with your parents or a trusted adult at school. It is obviously difficult for you that this happened, however, it has shown you how much you do care about your girlfriend and want to be with her, and it gives you both the opportunity to learn how to better deal with disagreements.

Signed: TeenHealthFX