TeenHealthFX - Answers - Mom's Boyfriend Is Creepy

When Single Parents Date / Question
Published: February 18, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

i hate my moms boyfriend. he is creepy and my mom spends ALL her time with him and we never do anything together, when i ask her to she complains about it. im afraid that she will mayyr her boyfriend and forget about me. im SO uncomfortable with him, i feel she doens't care. im afraid she will marry him and i could never visit her again beacsue he lives in the same house as her. im afraid ill never have a safe home base.

Signed: Mom's Boyfriend Is Creepy

Dear Mom's Boyfriend Is Creepy,

TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear that you do not like the man that your mother is dating and that you feel she is neglecting her time with you to be with him. FX suggests that you start by finding some time when you and your mother can speak alone and uninterrupted. Let your mother know that you have been feeling very hurt by not having as much quality time alone with her anymore. Tell her that it is very important to you that you be able to spend more time with one another on a regular basis. See if the two of you can come up with some ways to do this – have dinner every night, go out for brunch together every Sunday, make one night a week a movie night for the two of you. It would helpful to come up with anything that can become a kind of regular ritual of mother-daughter time. If you mother resists this, seek out the help of a trusted adult to help you – an extended family member, older sibling, friend of your mother’s, counselor at school – anyone who can speak to your mother on your behalf.

As for your mother’s boyfriend, FX is concerned about your referring to him as “creepy” and stating that with him there your home could not feel like a safe home base. FX is wondering if her boyfriend is abusing you in any way – physically, sexually or emotionally. If he is, it is VERY important for you to let your mother know, as well as a trusted adult outside of the family, such as a school counselor, teacher, or private therapist. If this man is mistreating you in any way, it is important for adults to intervene to ensure that you can no longer be subjected to his abuse.

If this is more of a case of your not liking the personality of this man, and subsequently not able to feel comfortable around him – again, discuss your feelings with your mom and a trusted adult outside of the home. Whether it is dealing with your mom or her boyfriend, it is important that you have trusted adults around you who can be there with guidance and support as you figure out the best way for you to deal with the situation.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX