TeenHealthFX - Answers - I Really Hate My Family

Parents & Family / Question
Published: March 4, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

i really hate my family. I know there might be a question similar to this but i just really need advice for myself. My family is the worst. They're always jumping to conclusions and blaming stuff on me when i didn't do it, they don't believe me or even trust me. One time i just wanted to go over my aunty's house since my brother didn't let me go over my friend's house and he just assumed that i was gonna pretend to go over my aunty's house and make her take me to my friends. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE GOT THAT FROM!!! i never even thought of that!!!!! Something like that is always happening. i can't even talk to my mom about the things girls are suppose to talk to my mom with. For example one time i wanted to ask her about let hair and stuff and she's like you're not suppose to have that, i don't Well thats NOT the answer i was expecting. I thought she could tell me what i could do or comfort me or something but that made me feel really bad. Everyday i'm always having fights with my family. I'm the youngest and thats not always fun. You think the youngest is spoiled but they're not. They don't even have time for me. I really do hate them and i just want to jump off a stupid bridge. Don't they love me???? one time i had a fight with one of my brothers and then i started crying, then my other brother came and said "not everyone is hear for you" WELL when were they EVER here for me? they think they know me when they don't. they think they know everything thats going around with me but they don't. One time i this girl which i thought was my friend started spreading rumors about me and and no one talked to me for a whole month at school. i was all alone and when i came home i had to pretend thats everything alright...or at least try to. then i started crying and they didn't even care i don't know what to do everything they do just annoys me now the only place i can really have fun is when i'm with my friends. Only they understand me. i know that my family really actually does care

Signed: I Really Hate My Family

Dear I Really Hate My Family,

TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone at home right now, and that you are not feeling loved or supported by your family in the way you would like. Ideally, it is nice to think that family members would be the first ones there for you with an understanding and caring attitude. Unfortunately, that it not the case for everyone – and many, like you did, end up turning to friends or anyone else who can offer a sense of love and acceptance.

FX realizes that it may feel horribly hopeless right now, but we do want you to know that there are supports out there for you and you do have some options to consider:

Ask your parents when a good time would be for the three of you to sit down to have an important talk. Let them know that you are feeling very lonely at home and that it would feel really good to you if there could be some positive changes in your relationships with both of them. Let them know what kind of changes would be helpful to – such as more one-on-one quality time, a greater sense of being understood, a greater sense of ease on your part in going to them with important issues or problems, or whatever comes to mind. If the three of you can work it out together, that would be great. If not, you might suggest that the three of you meet with a family therapist for some guidance as to how to make these changes.

If your parents are resistant to the idea of making changes, or meeting with a professional to help with this, talk to a trusted adult – such as school counselor, friend of the family’s or extended family member – and let them know about the situation. You might need to find an adult who can advocate on your behalf that things are not okay with you and that you need their help in making things better for you and your relationships with one another.

FX thinks that it is wonderful that you feel so safe and comfortable with your friends. And we hope that you have chosen friends who can be there for you in a loving, supportive, caring way. While having close friends is priceless, FX also thinks that it is important for you to have some adults in your life who you view as helpful, trustworthy and caring. FX does not know if your parents will be able to make the changes you would like them to make – and we think it is very important that you have some adults in your life you can turn to, whether it is your parents or someone outside of the family. You can reach out to a school counselor, private therapist, teacher, coach, extended family member, or any other adult you feel you can count on the be there for you. That way, if you need some guidance with a problem or help in dealing with something (like the school situation you described above) you will have an adult you can talk to rather than feeling like you have to deal with it all alone.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Since you made the comment about jumping off the bridge, FX would like to stress that if you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX