Friends / Question
Published: April 1, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I've recently ousted a girl who I thought was my best friend from my group of friends at school. The reason was she just couldn't control herself around her boyfriend. Every five minutes, and it didn't matter where they were or who might have been watching, they would be petting and making out. It got to the point where I told her she was a whore, because she was letting her boyfriend manipulate her as well. She wasn't doing her homework and kept missing the bus and skipping classes to go make out with him, and lately she's been giving him oral at their friend's house nearby during lunch breaks almost every day for the last two weeks. After all this crap, I figured I didn't need such a bad influence, no matter how long she'd been my friend. Another one of my friends told me I was jealous of her, but I don't really need or want a boyfriend. (I'm VERY independent and like my personal space.) But I'm kind of wondering now if I'm a bad person for pushing someone who is being a bad influence out of my life?
Signed: Ousted Best Friend From My Group Of Friends
Dear Ousted Best Friend From My Group Of Friends,
TeenHealthFX wonders that if this girl was your best friend, why you preferred to “oust” her rather than to help her? Maybe your choosing to oust her over being there to help her through this is why one of your friends thought your motivation to distance yourself from her was coming from a place of jealousy.
FX doesn’t see you as simply a “bad” person for what you did – obviously your motivation to push her out of your life came from somewhere. Maybe you were feeling scared or envious by what she was doing – how physical she was getting with this guy and how much she was able to just abandon the other areas of her life for this. Perhaps you were feeling hurt that she was so focused on him, she was not paying enough attention to your friendship with one another. It is also possible that you were concerned that if you stayed connected with her, people would assume that you must do the same kinds of things when it comes to being sexually active or not doing your work in school.
There are lots of reasons as to why you did what you did. The question now is what you want to do from here. If you do care about this person and had a long-standing, close friendship with her, FX wonders if you would consider doing something to try and help her. You could talk to her about your concerns – let her know that you miss the old her and that you worry about her when she makes decisions like skipping classes, not doing her homework, and maybe even getting a bad reputation for herself in school. You can be sympathetic that you can understand her excitement if she really likes this guy and she has this new relationship to explore – but that you also have your concerns with the direction she is headed. If your friend doesn’t respond in a positive way to what you have to say, you could always consider speaking with your parents, her parents, or a school counselor about your concerns as it may be necessary for an adult to step in and intervene in your best friend’s interest. And if your friend can eventually come around with this stuff, you have your best friend back. If in time you see that she is not making any changes, maybe at that point you could decide to distance yourself from her.
If you have any more questions or concerns about how to deal with this situation, reach out to a trusted adult who can be helpful to you and who can give you some support and guidance as you try and figure out how you want to address this problem.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. A total of 17.7 million women have been victims of these crimes. 
