TeenHealthFX - Answers - Extreme Attention Seeker

ME & Relationships / Question
Published: April 20, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

This sounds so weird and generally irrational that I don't know where to start, I'm guilt ridden over my own mind and thoughts. I don't know, ever since I can remember I've just really wanted attention, and I don't know why. I'm an overachiever. I'm in mostly AP classes and I'm what my bosses all call a 'model employee'. I try to be a good friend and a good person, but everything that I do is in some way to derive attention for myself. I hate myself for this behavior, and no matter how hard I try, I can't stop. I'm not the shining star personality; I stay to the shadows and I work really hard to impress everyone, hoping to get attention. When it works, I feel great and I'm on this high (for lack of better terms) for days. When it doesn't work out and I'm overlooked for something, I just internally seethe and get pissed off. I don't know how, or why I continue to do this, but it's really killing me. Now my best friend needs me to be there for her, she's depressed and suicidal and failing school and her life's not going great, but I keep thinking about how I can bring attention to myself through that. I hate every moemnet that I think about my own selfishness, but it doesn't help me get over it. A part of me doesn't want to get over it. Humans want attention and recognition for their actions, but what about when it gets to the extreme? Extreme Attention Seeker

Signed: Extreme Attention Seeker

Dear Extreme Attention Seeker,

It is generally the case for people to want to interact with others and be regarded in a positive way. But it is possible for attention seeking behaviors or the need to be with others to go to an extreme place. Generally, people who are seeking a lot of attention from others are doing do because they haven’t felt loved and attended to enough by the people closest to them at home and/or it is hard for them to feel good about themselves so they overly rely on others to try and maintain a positive sense of self. That said, FX does not want you to beat yourself up for being an attention-seeker, as there is probably a very good reason why you operate this way.

The problem with extreme attention seeking is that the attention seeking usually does not fill up the void the attention seeker hopes it will. So the attention-seeking behavior continues and continues, creating guilt, frustration, even self-loathing because of it. So what FX does recommend is that you meet with a therapist to talk about this issue. Clearly there is some longing in you that is not being filled in the way it needs to be – and it is important that you have a mental health professional there for you with support and guidance as you try and figure out what this void is and the best way to help fill it.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX