TeenHealthFX - Answers - Ex Wants Me To Have His Baby

Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: June 22, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

The Love Of My Life Is My Ex And He Wants A Baby By Me!!!!!!!!! Im 17 years old and about to be a senior in high school this year me and this guy was dating for 8 months he's 17 also but now he's my ex and i've really been missing him and love him alot. Then i decided to leave because of so much confusion was going on but the problem is we've been talking on and off. Just a few days ago he told me that he likes 3 other girls but he still love me an wants me in his life and loves me very much. He wants me to be his babies mother if he decide to be with another girl he said that he cant let me go and wants me to have a part in his life so he wants me to be the babies mom if he dont choose to be with me. What should i do? What should i say? Should i say yes? But if i do choose to say yes i dont want to feel like the stupid one that cant make her own decisions. Or should i say no? But if i choose to do that i will miss him and he will be gone forever. What should i do PPLLEEAASSEE!!!! Help.... I've been trying so hard to give it some thought and think about it but i cant. I really dont know what to do. But if i did decide to have the baby what if he dont want to be around anymore im so confused and dont want to get all stressed out over this because of love.He really wants this baby so can you please help soon we both will be 18 yrs. old... HELP!!..

Signed: Ex Wants Me To Have His Baby

Dear Ex Wants Me To Have His Baby,

TeenHealthFX has many serious concerns about your agreeing to become the mother of your ex’s baby:

· First of all, it sounds like your ex is not in an emotional place right now to be able to commit to being a significant other or a father. He told you he likes three other girls (which tells FX that he is both not ready to commit and that he is fairly insensitive) and is already predicting that there is a good chance he will not be with you in the long term, so having a baby with you will help keep some kind of connection to you. All of this is completely unfair to you and to a child. You deserve to have a man who only has eyes for you and is ready to completely commit himself to you. And your child deserves a father who enters into fatherhood with the intent of providing this child with parents who will be there for each other and for the baby.

· Second, FX thinks that you are right – that there is a very good chance that if you agree to have this baby at some point you will be left raising this child all on your own. Again, your ex seems unable to commit to anything or anyone right now and has a lot of growing up to do – so it is very likely he will not be there for you and for this baby in the way you both need him to be. Being a parent can be hard enough when you have a significant other to share the experience with. But being a very young parent, and having to do it all on your own, is tremendously hard. Are you really ready for that possibility?

· Third, you and your ex are both very young to be having a baby. Neither one of you has finished school, and FX is assuming neither one of you has the financial means right now to support a baby or that either one of you has a job that provides you with health benefits so you and your baby can get the medical care you need.

· Fourth, when couples decide to bring a baby into the world to fix some problem in their own relationship, it almost always ends in disaster. Having a baby can be seen as some kind of solution, but all is does is end up creating more problems. Have a baby to keep the two of you connected will undoubtedly end up creating more problems for the two of you then creating any kind of benefit.

· Finally, would all this really be fair to this child? It sounds like this baby would be born into this very confusing and unstable situation. Just because your ex wants a baby, doesn’t mean he is really and truly ready and able to care for one. And just because you may want to stay connected to your ex in some way, that doesn’t mean it is a good idea to do that through the life of an innocent child who has no choice in the matter. FX thinks you both need to really think about this baby and what kind of life this baby would really have in the long-run rather than only thinking about what you both may want right now.

FX hopes that you will seriously take the points above into consideration in deciding what you want to do here. We are very concerned for your future and the future of this baby if you decide to go through with this. FX also wants you to consider what attracts you so much to your ex. It sounds like he is in a confused place himself and that he has a lot of growing up to do. FX hopes that with time you can start a relationship with someone who is in a more stable place emotionally, who is clear that they only want to be with you, and who generally makes decisions and relates to you in a more mature manner.

FX also suggests that you read My Boyfriend Wants A Baby, But I’m Not Ready. It gives more feedback on the issue of what to do when one person wants a baby and the other doesn’t. It also gives a list of questions to think about for couples who are considering having a baby – to help them see whether or not they are truly ready for such a big undertaking.

If you find you continue to have difficult in deciding what to do, FX suggests that you consider speaking with a trusted adult such as a parent, extended family member, school counselor, teacher, neighbor or any other adult who you can trust to be there for you with support and guidance.

Signed: TeenHealthFX