TeenHealthFX - Answers - In Love With My English Teacher

Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: July 20, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I am in love with my English teacher, who is 17 yrs my senior. She is beautiful, kind, loving, and sexy(different from beauty to me anyway). The problem is that after trying to keep this inside, and trying to brush it off as an infatuation I couldn't. So after class one day, I talked to her and revealed my true feelings. She seemed shocked, but not too much. Then I did something that seems brash, but I dont regret. I pulled her in and kissed her full on her lips. She didnt resist and seemed to like it. Ever since she has been ignoring me at school, though I send her love letters, roses, and other things, and in return she writes love letters back in a different name and mails them to me. I want to know would it be okay if I asked her out? Should I wait till I graduate (I am a senior)? I am willing to do anything for this woman. Signed, Morethaninfatuation

Signed: In Love With My English Teacher

Dear In Love With My English Teacher,

TeenHealthFX is very concerned about this situation. On one hand, we are worried about the appropriateness of a high school student dating anyone who is 17 years their senior. A teenager and an adult in their 30’s should be in very different phases of their lives and should be looking for a partner who is in, or at least close to being in, the same phase of life. FX thinks it would be much healthier for you to pursue relationships with girls who are within a few years of your age, and for your teacher to pursue relationships with other adults.

The second concern FX has is the risk your teacher is putting herself in when it comes to the policies and laws under which she works and lives. By pursuing a romantic relationship with you, or engaging in any kind of interaction that falls outside of the parameters of a teacher-student relationship, your teacher risks losing her job for violating many school policies, she jeopardizes the possibility of ever teaching again for not adhering to her teacher license code of ethics, and she can even face jail time. If she cares about herself and her future – and if you care about her and her future as well – then FX thinks it is very important for both of you to make a conscious decision not to be in contact with each other outside of the classroom.

It is completely normal and natural for teens to be infatuated with their teachers. There is nothing strange or problematic about having these kinds of feelings. However, there can be significant problems when feelings turn into action in this area and a real relationship forms based on those feelings (between a teen and a teacher, or a teen and any adult for that matter). FX advises you to really think about what you are doing here and the risks you face by dating and/or becoming physically intimate with a staff member at your school.

If you are having trouble dealing with this issue and your feelings for this teacher, FX recommends you speak with a trusted adult such as your parents, an extended family member, a school counselor, a private therapist, or any other trusted adult who can give you some support and guidance with this.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX