TeenHealthFX - Answers - Angry & Embarrassed Family Members Are Overweight

Parents & Family / Question
Published: September 28, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

All of my family is overweight, except for me. my mom's over 400 pounds and my dad's about 350. my little brother (who's seven) already weighs more than me 180 pounds. i'm thirteen at 5'3 and weigh 100. i'm the only active one, and a vegetarian. i'm scared my family will die prematurely due to their weight. I also can't stand to go in public with them, the snickers and laughter really grate on my nerves. my paretns have regonized the situation, but haven't done anything yet. What can they/we do to get started with the first steps?

Signed: Angry & Embarrassed Family Members Are Overweight

Dear Angry & Embarrassed Family Members Are Overweight,

TeenHealthFX suggests that you start by sitting down with your parents and letting them know about your concerns. FX recommends that you focus your concerns on how their weight affects their health. You could use the analogy of smoking – that when people smoke it negatively affects their health and can lead to many different types of physical health complications as well as premature death. And for those reasons, many children of smokers have great concern when they see their parents choose to smoke. Many children try to find ways to influence their parents not to smoke because it is so scary to think of their parents getting sick or dying. Having parents who are significantly overweight can bring up very similar concerns – so you might use this analogy in talking to your parents. Let them know that in the same way children of smokers can worry about their parents’ future health, you are worried about their being overweight and what it could mean for their physical health with time.

The Health Risks of Being Overweight or Obese

Next, provide your parents with some education about the health risks of being overweight. We don’t have the heights of your parents in terms of calculating their BMI (Body Mass Index), but at 350 and 400 pounds it is most likely that your parents would have a BMI placing them in an obese category. Overweight individuals have a BMI of 25 and higher, and obese individuals have a BMI of 30 and higher. As weight increases for a person to reach the levels of overweight and obese, risks for the following conditions also increase:

· Coronary heart disease

· Type 2 diabetes

· Certain types of cancers, including endometrial, breast and colon cancer

· High blood pressure

· High cholesterol (high total cholesterol or high levels of triglycerides)

· Stroke

· Liver and gallbladder disease

· Sleep apnea and respiratory problems

· Osteoarthritis (also called degenerative joint disease): occurs when cartilage in your joints wears down over time

· Gynecological problems (abnormal menses, infertility)

· Depression

· Skin problems, such as impaired wound healing

Those who deal with obesity often find that their quality of life may be lower, too. It may be harder to get around or perform day-to-day activities. Some people have trouble participating in family activities, isolate themselves, or even find themselves dealing with discrimination. Other issues that may affect quality of life include:

· Depression

· Disability

· Physical discomfort

· Sexual problems

· Shame

· Social isolation

Making a Plan to Get Healthier

Once you have educated your parents on the health risks of being overweight and you have conveyed to them how scary this is for you, ask them if they would be willing to take steps to lose weight. Tell them if you all work together as a family and support each other you think they could be very successful in losing weight and getting to a physically healthier place. You could suggest the following:

· A physical with their doctors to discuss their weight and appropriate changes to diet and exercise that will allow them to lose weight in healthy way. Given how overweight your parents are, it is very important that they are guided by medical health professionals trained in working with patients dealing with the amount of weight loss they are dealing with.

· A family project of cleaning out the kitchen to get rid of foods high in saturated fat, sugar, as well as highly processed foods. You want to get all the “junk” food out of the house.

· A family meeting to discuss how to make dinners healthier – what kinds of foods need to be purchased from the grocery store, ways to incorporate more vegetables into the meal (if you are going to do a meat, vegetable and carbohydrate, ideally meals should be ½ vegetable, ¼ lean protein, and ¼ whole grain carbohydrate), who is going to do the recipe searching and cooking. Your family may need to learn new methods of preparing foods, as well as to find healthier recipes. Go to US Department of Agriculture webpage MyPyramid.gov to learn steps to eating in a healthier way.

· Snacking on unhealthy foods between meals can be a big problem when it comes to losing weight. Discuss what kinds of snacks to keep in the house. Once you have gotten rid of the high sugar/high fat food snacks, look at replacing those unhealthier foods with fruits, vegetables, whole grain carbs and such.

· If your family goes out to eat, support each other in ordering healthier foods.

· Find ways to get active as a family. Think of ways to get in more exercise, such as walking, biking, or swimming. But also think of ways to be generally more active. For example, replacing television time with activities like gardening that will get you up off the couch and moving more. Exercise is important in losing weight and staying fit, but people who maintain healthy weights are also generally more active and have significantly less “couch potato” time than people who are overweight.

· Come up with healthy reminders for your family as to why they are making these diet and exercise changes. For example, you might put a list on the fridge of all the health risks associated with being overweight as a motivation to stay on target.

· Have your parents think about whether they or your brother could use any special assistance in losing weight. There are therapists out there who work with people whose eating is very emotionally motivated. There are trainers and nutritionists who can work with people on losing weight in a healthy way. Resources such as Overeaters Anonymous and hypnotherapy for weight loss are also available. Morristown Memorial Hospital also his Kid-FIT for your brother if your family lives in the northern New Jersey area.

· Be supportive and encouraging of one another. Changing diet and exercise habits can be very hard work. So give compliments to each other on how hard everyone is working and trying, and remind each other bumps in the road are to be expected, but shouldn’t discourage anyone from continuing to pursue their goals.

· For more information and guidance, go the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) webpage It’s Not A Diet – It’s A Lifestyle which gives information on assessing weight, losing weight, and preventing weight gain.

FX hopes that you are able to have a positive influence on your parents and brother. There are serious physical health risks that go along with being overweight – so if your parents are able to lose weight they will be giving a gift to themselves, as well as to you by doing everything in their power to keep themselves as healthy as they can so they can be around for you as long as they can! As encouragement and motivation, you can remind them of the gift they will be giving themselves and their children by making these changes!

Here are some additional resources that may be of help to your parents:

· The CDC has a webpage Overweight and Obesity: Causes and Consequences.

· US Department of Health and Human Services has created a Weight-control Information Network as an online resource to educate adults about the causes of obesity, health risks, and other relevant information.

· National Heart Lung and Blood Institute: Obesity Education Initiative

· National Heart Lung and Blood Institute: We Can!, an educational program to help prevent childhood obesity

· Weight-control Information Network: Binge-Eating Disorder

· Weight-control Information Network: Active at Any Size

FX would like to end by stating that we hope your parents are able to address their own weight issues and the weight of your brother for many reasons. But we also want to point out that you cannot force them to change – they have to want to change on their own. You can express how you feel and do several things to encourage them to change, but in the end it will be up to them. If you find with time that they choose not to make any changes regarding their weight and physical health, you may consider speaking with a private therapist or school counselor about your feelings. If your parents continue to stay overweight and do little to help your brother, FX could appreciate you might feel scared and angry about it. It might be helpful for you to have someone to talk to so you can sort through those feelings and figure out the best way for you to deal with this situation.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX