Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: May 9, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm a 16-year old female and have been dating a 19-year old male for the past 10 months. Just recently he has been reading my e-mails everyday, so to get him back I decided to listen to his voicemail. Well, when I did that I heard a saved message he had on there from a girl that he met at a dance club over the summer when we were going out. She left her number so I called her back and she told me that they had gone to the movies after the dance club. So I was really upset at him and called him and he denied the whole thing. What should I do? I was in love with him but should I believe him and trust him?
Signed: Confused Love
Dear Confused Love,
Wow, it sounds like you have some big decisions to make. Unfortunately, TeenHealthFX cannot make them for you. Only you can decide whether or not to believe him and give him your trust. But, here are a couple of things to think about: Why would the "other girl" lie about going to the movies with your boyfriend? What does she have to gain? By denying the whole incident how does your boyfriend explain the saved voicemail message?
Trust is an important and basic part of a relationship; and with it, things tend to run a whole lot smoother. So, TeenHealthFX recommends talking to your boyfriend. Tell him you really want to believe him, but have some concerns. Your honesty may help him be honest, as well.
Although you have not mentioned it, TeenHealthFX is concerned that this may be an abusive relationship or possibly one heading in that direction. Checking personal emails seems controlling; and trying to control someone is a warning sign of abuse. Take a look at National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center website for more formation on abuse and relationships. If you see some other warning signs in your relationship with your boyfriend then you need to take care of yourself. Talk to a trusted adult like your parent or teacher and decide how you want to handle things.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
