Friends / Question
Published: May 9, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My friend is mad at me because he thinks I am mean to people, and when I try to talk to him he doesn't listen. What should I do?
Signed: Mean To People - Friend Mad
Dear Mean To People - Friend Mad,
It sounds as if, although your friend thinks you are mean to people, you are not so sure. If you are uncertain about this, sit back and really think. Think back on some recent conversations and recall the way you spoke, or the language you used. Could it be interpreted as mean? Can you recall if you were disrespectful or intentionally cruel?
If you think your actions and/or words could have been interpreted as mean, decide if this is really how you want to come across. If not (and TeenHealthFX figures that this is the case), make a conscious effort to change the words or phrases you use. Perhaps it may help to think about what you want to say before you speak or what you want to accomplish before you act. If you have trouble figuring this out on your own, notice how other interact. Base your changes on some of the positive interactions you see.
On the other hand, if you really cannot understand how your friend concluded that you are mean, try to talk to him again. Tell him that you are concerned with his interpretation and would like some insight; maybe he misunderstood an interaction or caught the end of a conversation. However, if he is unwilling to talk with you, try another friend. Ask him or her how they think you interact with people and if it is possible to misinterpret your words or actions as mean.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Homicide is the second leading cause of death among 15- to 24-year-olds overall. 
