Friends / Question
Published: May 9, 2000
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm 14 years old and I'm feeling really separated from my friends. Lately they have been doing thing that I would never expect them to do. It is really starting to scare me. I'm worried about my friends. Please help!
Signed: Feeling Separated From My Friends
Dear Feeling Separated From My Friends,
TeenHealthFX hears how concerned and upset you are about your friends and their activities.
You did not say what it is that your friends are doing but many teenagers experiment with cigarettes, alcohol or drugs, sex and other risk-taking behaviors. Even when they are aware that some of their actions can carry severe consequences, teens have a sense that they will live forever and that can make it seem like those consequences will not apply to them. Sometimes when trying to convince someone of the negative things that can happen, there is a strong urge to want to experience things firsthand. Logical arguments and warnings to not do something often fall on deaf ears - although as a friend you might still want to try.
That said, what to do if you are a friend, witnessing things that make you uncomfortable or downright scared, and your friends will not stop:
Talk to your friends about what is bothering you in a way that shows your concern for them without passing judgment (that would most likely push them away). Pick a quiet, relaxed time when your friends are not doing things that concern you. If the behavior seems like it is going to hurt them or someone else, try to talk to a trusted adult such as your parents, your doctor or a school counselor or teacher about your concerns - an adult might need to intervene for you.
If your friends are pressuring you into doing anything you are against, you might need to start looking for other friends because you might be growing apart from your current friends. You may even need an "escape plan" if you end up in a situation with them that makes you uncomfortable. Plan in advance on how you will get out of the situation and what you will say. The years you spend as a teenager are full of new experiences and amazing personal growth. You get to decide what risks you are willing to take and with whom you want to share them. Remember, you cannot control others but you can be in control of yourself.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Persons aged 15-24, who represent only 14% of the 
