Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: August 15, 2000
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 15-year-old male high school student. My teacher asked me out to her apartment one night (I had a night class) and we had sex. She is very attractive and is 28 years old. I know that this is rape on her part, but what we feel for each other runs a lot deeper than physical desires. Should I stop seeing her?
Signed: Involved With My Teacher
Dear Involved With My Teacher,
This is a difficult question both for you to ask and for TeenHealthFX to answer. We are glad that you felt comfortable asking such an intimate and important question.
It must be very hard for you to feel strongly for this woman and know that legally and socially that it is an unacceptable relationship for you both to be in. You are right, even though the two of you consider this to be a consensual relationship; it is still considered a form of rape. However, knowing this we are sure does not make it any easier for you because it does not take away your feelings.
Although your feelings go beyond the sexual part of the relationship, it is best if you both discuss this and call it quits. This woman you are seeing can get in a great deal of trouble if it is discovered and you may also have to deal with the humility and embarrassment as well. Many times things like this are discovered and become a legal and social mess.
While it may not be apparent to you, the effects that this relationship is having on you are not healthy. Most teenagers have a variety of relationships. Of course, not all of them are sexual, and in fact, most relationships are more like close friendships, rather than having a romantic basis. Relationships with someone who is closer to your own age are important for your social development and they also serve as a learning process about yourself.
When you do end this relationship, it will probably be painful. It is always upsetting to lose or leave someone you really care about, but in this case TeenHealthFX really believes that both of you will be better off in the end. After ending it, keep yourself busy with friends and activities. This will help to take your mind off the situation.
Under normal breakup circumstances, TeenHealthFX recommends that you find someone to talk to about how you are feeling and dealing with the breakup. In your case, this becomes more difficult because there are legal implications about being found out.
If you have someone that you can trust, you should definitely share your feelings. If you start to feel depressed about this, you may need to get an adult involved regardless of the legal and social implications. Sometimes these things are hard to deal with on your own. If this is so, seek help from a trusted adult like a parent, school counselor, doctor or nurse. You can also call the 24-hour crisis hotline at Atlantic Health System at (973) 540.0100.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Underage drinking costs the 
