Friends / Question
Published: May 9, 2001
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My friend is in a serious relationship with her boyfriend of 8 months. Since she's started going out with him she's been drinking, once to the point where she threw up, and she's had sex and is worried she might be pregnant. She's been basically ignoring me and her other friends because her boyfriend doesn't really care for us. He doesn't like us to be around, so that my friend and him can go do "things" she's completely changed and is totally different around him and it is starting to worry me. How do I get my friend back!?
Signed: How Do I Get My Friend Back
Dear How Do I Get My Friend Back,
TeenHealthFX sees how much you care for your friend and that you do not want to see her get hurt. It is really difficult to see someone you care for practice risky behavior and be "under the spell" of someone else.
What you can do for your friend is to still be there for her, keeping in touch with phone calls or email. Let her know that you still care for her. You do not say if you have talked to your friend about the changes you have noticed and that you are concerned, but if not, you can tell her in a non-judgmental way what you see. From what you have told FX, you have good reason to be concerned.
Your friend's boyfriend seems like he may be isolating her from her friends, which can be a symptom of an abusive relationship. Your friend might not be open to getting help for this yet, but if she is, there are services for teens available. She can call the National Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or the New Jersey State Hotline at 1-800-572-7233.
Regarding your friend thinking she may be pregnant - you can suggest she go to a teen clinic or Planned Parenthood to get a pregnancy test and get checked out for STD's. If she lives in the Northern New Jersey area she can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973.889.6350 for an appointment. You can let her know that she can be seen confidentially for low or no cost.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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