Concerned About A Friend / Concerned About A Friend's Influence On Me / Question
Published: May 9, 2001
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I have a friend who compulsively lies. My mom believes that it may have to do with her background. She lives has live with her grandparents since she was very small because her biological parents really didn't want a child. She never really knew them on personal basis, but last year her father died in a car wreck. He was drunk. Ever since she seems to lie a lot. She mostly lies about small things, like why she wasn't at school. She also lies about people she has "dated." When you ask them about her they say they don't even know who she is. She lies about much more too. Some of my friends asked me to talk to her private about it. We are all tired of our lies. I am afraid I will lose her as a best friend or really hurt her feelings if I say anything. What should I do and what should I say if I do confront her?
Signed: Friend A Compulsive Liar
Dear Friend A Compulsive Liar,
Since the lying seemed to have started after your friend's father's death it would seem she is having difficulty coping with the loss. The situation is also compounded by the fact that she did not seem have a strong relationship with her father prior to his death. Often times when emotions are so overwhelming, a person will avoid them by making up stories that are more to their liking.
TeenHealthFX thinks you should approach your friend the same way you approached your question, with understanding. You obviously care about this person and want to help her. Start off by telling your friend that you are worried about her and you are there if she needs you. You do not have to "fix" her problems, just be supportive. Make it clear that you are not judging her but worried that she may be struggling. If she opens up and seems to be really in a lot of pain, let her know that there are professionals out there who are available to help her. Encourage her to talk to her grandparents about how she has been feeling, and offer to go along for support if necessary.
Prepare yourself for the possibility that your friend may not respond to your concern or may get angry. Remember if your friend is not able to deal with these emotions, she may not be able to hear the truth either. In any case do not blame yourself for caring; she may come around and recognize the goodness of your intentions.
If your friend needs a place to turn to she can call the Access Center at Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400 for an appointment with a mental health professional.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Compared with other age groups, teens have the lowest rate of seat belt use, and male high school students are more likely than female students to rarely or never wear seat belts.
