More Than Friends Or Just Friends / Question
Published: May 23, 2001
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 16-year-old female, and I have a lot of guy friends, but there is one who calls me all the time (and yes we have dated before). I am confused though, I tell myself all the time that I don't want a relationship with him, but I'm afraid I do, and that I am just lying to myself. Tough, I don't think he wants one with me. We recently had sex and it didn't change anything with our friendship. I am afraid he is dating someone else and won't tell me. I want him to be honest, how do I get him to be honest?
Signed: Confused About Friend OR More Than Friends
Dear Confused About Friend OR More Than Friends,
Only you can figure out what you want out of this - a friendship or a dating relationship. It seems that you have put a great deal of thought into this, but are still unsure. This is completely normal and you just may need more time to decide. Remember to be honest with yourself and him.
The best relationships and friendships are all based on trust. One of the key ingredients in trust is honesty. If you want your friend to be truthful with you then you need to lead the way by being open in your communications with him. In close relationships we give a piece of ourselves to the other person, which sometimes makes us feel vulnerable. If you have trust, then you feel more secure in sharing personal things about yourself.
If you suspect that this guy is dating someone else after having a sexual relationship with you, then you have to ask yourself, is this fair to you or the other girl? You probably want to ask him directly how he feels about you. Does he want you as friend or something more? If he says he just wants to be friends then you both are going to have to decide how to deal with the whole sexual thing. No matter what you decide, make sure you are comfortable with the arrangement and that it meets your needs.
There is no tried and true way to make another person honest. You can tell the person how much truthfulness means to you and hope he/she places the same value on openness.
In the end the truth usually comes out. Unfortunately sometimes people get hurt in the process.
Since you mentioned that you are sexually active, TeenHealthFX always likes to take the opportunity to encourage you to practice safer sex.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
