Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: July 6, 2001
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend of almost three months and he loves me too, but I ALWAYS get such a frustrated feeling when I talk to him, usually for no reason. I don't know what else to do. Help!
Signed: Have A Rough Time Talking To My Boyfriend-Feeling Frustrated
Dear Have A Rough Time Talking To My Boyfriend-Feeling Frustrated,
You mention ALWAYS feeling frustrated when speaking with your boyfriend. Does this frustration occur during everyday, general conversation? Or is it usually with conversations that are personal or intimate in detail? TeenHealthFX guesses that the frustration accompanies the more intimate conversations (because if you could not hold everyday conversations with this guy you probably would not have made it this far). So, let us assume its conversations of an intimate nature with your boyfriend that frustrate you. Maybe you feel like he does not hear you or is not making an effort to see things from you perspective. Maybe you are ready to talk about some serious issues and he only makes jokes.
Miscommunication between partners is really quite common. It is great that you recognize the trouble and are willing to fix it. Communicating well is hard work and building good communication skills takes effort. Here is a tip: Try approaching your boyfriend in a calm but serious tone, letting him know that you want to talk about some issues that are serious and important to you. Set up a time when the two of you could talk, perhaps a time when you can be alone, without any distractions. This way, the conversation will not catch either of you off guard and will give you both a chance to get your thoughts together. Then tell him, straight out, how you feel. Try to do this without accusing or becoming angry. Explain that you want to be honest because you care about him. This may be difficult at first, but stick with it. It will get easier!
If these suggestions do not work, and you both feel you want to keep trying, perhaps you can utilize a trusted adult (parent, older relative, doctor, teacher, counselor) in your lives. Ask him/her for suggestions to help you better communicate. Ask for his/her opinion, as well; an objective viewpoint can be helpful!
Lastly, if you continue to feel frustrated or that he is not listening over time, you may need to seriously look at this relationship. This may mean that you may need to make a decision about whether this relationship is worth it. It is very unhealthy to stay in a relationship where you are constantly feeling frustrated. This is not good for you and over time can damage your feeling about yourself. First try communicating, but if this does not work, consider your options.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
At least 50% of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives.
