Questionable Relationships / Question
Published: August 13, 2001
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am in love with a 35 year old and I'm 15. He popped my cherry and now he is getting married. I don't know what to do. Although I kind of figured that he would because him and the girl were dating while we were having sex. Should I tell her or just keep it to myself because I promised him I would never tell anyone.
Signed: Teen Had Sex With 35 YO
Dear Teen Had Sex With 35 YO,
This is a very complicated issue because this man is taking advantage of you and the woman he is intending to marry. Not only is he cheating on his fiance, but also he is committing a crime by having sex with a minor. This is a serious offense and if convicted he would have to serve a significant amount of jail time.
TeenHealthFX is aware that you have feelings for this man at the present time. However as you get older you will begin to feel differently about this relationship. It is important to remember that you did nothing wrong. You were taken advantage by an older man who should understand why his actions are so very wrong. You have absolutely no obligation to protect this man and any consequences he faces are a result of his own actions. You are not to blame for anything negative that comes his way.
Something you may want to consider is how this man's actions affect his fiance, she is planning on committing her life to someone who is very different then the person she thinks she knows. There is also no reason to believe that he will not pressure you into a sexual relationship after he is married.
The best thing you could do is to seek out professional counseling as soon as possible to help you sort out this issue. Therapy will provide you the support and guidance to get through this difficult situation. Your therapist will help you clarify your thoughts on whether or not you should disclose your sexual relationship. For your own well-being do not have any more contact with this man.
If you need help finding a therapist and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Access Center at Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400 for an appointment.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Adolescents are more likely than young adults to become dependent on prescription medications.
