TeenHealthFX - Answers - Growing Apart

Friends / Question
Published: December 14, 2001

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Lately my best friend has been treating me like some dirt on his shoe. I've known him for ten years now (we are both 15) and although we have always had differences in the past we have always made friends again. Now though he talks about me behind my back, takes the mickey out of me, and has made friends with a couple of other kids who I have always hated. Anything I say or do is wrong or stupid in his opinion. He insults me for liking dance music rather than the grunge or rock rubbish that him and just about everyone else likes yet he used to like the Spice Girls!!! (He would never admit that now) I haven't been out anywhere with him in over 18months yet the situation I'm in is awkward because his mom and my mom are good friends. My mom knows I don't get on with him anymore yet she doesn't know that he insults me and is horrible to me. His mom doesn't seem to have a clue about what is going on at all. What shall I do? He goes to the same school as me and is in my class and will be for the next 3 years. I also have a second best friend who I get on well with, but who also still gets on well with the person above. Please Help!

Signed: Growing Apart

Dear Growing Apart,

A famous singer once said that growing is hard to do. This is definitely true! As you grow older your tastes change not only in things like clothing and food, but also in friends. It may be that you and your friend are merely discovering that you have less in common than you used to and that your friendship is not as strong as you thought. This is okay.

However, it is not okay though for him to be treating you badly. Too often teens get caught up in trying to impress others, while hurting those that they love. If you feel that your friendship is strong enough and worth giving another shot to it, then talk to your friend about the awful stuff he has been doing to you. Explain to him that you want to still be friends, but his behavior is not what a real friend would be doing.

You may decide that you have given him a second chance and it just is not going to change the fact that you two are different now and that things may never be like they used to. In that case you may want to cut bait and give the friendship a rest. Try and make some new friends that you have more in common with. This does not mean that you have to be mean to him, instead just ignore his comments and actions and be the bigger person. In time you will find that this will end up in your favor. You do not have to pretend to be his best friend for your mom or his. This is your life and you have a right to choose your own friendships. Merely explain to them that the two of you are growing up and have different interest now. You may find that a few years down the road that your friendship may come full circle and that you two get along once again. This happens a lot.

People grow and mature at different times. You will soon see that friends come and go, but you will find a few along the way that are truly worth holding on.

Signed: TeenHealthFX