TeenHealthFX - Answers - We Have Already Cybered

Online Relationships / Question
Published: September 5, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm 12 and I'm really mature for my age. I just want u to know that because I don't want you to judge me and stuff. But u see, I've been having this relationship with this guy on the Internet. He's 39 and has a wife and 2 kids. But we've known each other 4 like, a long time. It'll be 3 weeks next week since we started talking. He's really sweet. I love him a lot and we've already Cybered. He lives within 9 hours of me and he says we can meet and go do stuff. At first I wasn't worried but when I said I had some concerns, he got really angry with me and started calling me names and asking why I didn't love him anymore. I didn't know what 2 do so I told him I would meet him. But I'm scared because one of the things he told me was that this has happened b4 and he "doesn't want to have to do it again." I don't know what he meant by that. What I'm asking u is this: Should I ask him what he meant by that and risk him taking offense?

Signed: We Have Already Cybered - Lost In Love

Dear We Have Already Cybered - Lost In Love,

TeenHealthFX does not doubt that you are mature for your age and we are not here to judge you - but FX is very concerned about you and feels strongly that you are about to make a huge mistake. You are right to have some concerns and be scared. The one time that you questioned this man he became angry and abusive. This is a glaring example that this person is unstable and wants to control the relationship.

FX really wants you to ask yourself why a 39 year old man with a wife and 2 children would be interested in having a relationship with a 12 year old? Chances are that his children are about the same age as you. It is starting to sound a little creepy and wrong, isn't it?

TeenHealthFX strongly urges to cut off contact with this man and tell your parents about the situation. Do not feel embarrassed when telling them because you have done nothing wrong. If your parents want to contact the authorities do not try and talk them out of it or use this fear as an excuse to remain silent. People who prey on young children on the Internet are experts at gaining their trust and later exploiting it. Please do not feel that you have to protect this man. TeenHealthFX assures you that he does not have your best interest, or any other young person that he has established contact with, best interests at heart. Predators on the Internet are only interested in manipulating others for their own gain.

If you would like to learn more about Internet relationships check out FX's Answer to Sex On The Net. Some good web sites for teens on Internet safety are Cyberangels.org and National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. They have tips on keeping safe while surfing the web.

Please keep yourself safe and let your parents know what is happening on-line!

Signed: TeenHealthFX