TeenHealthFX - Answers - Trouble Getting Turned On After Being Taken Advantage Of

Sexual Readiness? / Question
Published: October 16, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I have this huge problem...and it's really starting to annoy me to the point of just giving up on ever being with a guy...I'm still a virgin, but ever since I dated this college guy...I can not seem to get fully aroused at all.....I have a new boyfriend and he is fantastic... he is the best thing that's happened to me in a while but for some reason whenever we do anything...at all. I'm bone dry.....I never had this problem until after I dated the college guy... he took advantage of me and now I can't even make myself cum... Is there anything I can do? Because it's really starting to hurt me physically now as much as mentally?

Signed: Trouble Getting Turned On After Being Taken Advantage Of

Dear Trouble Getting Turned On After Being Taken Advantage Of,

TeenHealthFX understands how frustrated you must feel in your current situation, but you shouldn't just give up on future intimate relationships. Being taken advantage of is something that is not easy to recover from. Even though you really enjoy being with your new boyfriend, your body has a memory of its own that may take more time to heal than your mind does. Difficulties getting wet and reaching orgasm are common among women who have been sexuality abused, so realize that what you're going through is completely normal.

The best advice is probably to take things slowly with your new boyfriend. Tell him about what happened to you and that you are doing your best to work through things. While cuddling and hand holding might not seem like a lot, they can do wonders in helping you build trust in your new boyfriend. Kissing and more will happen eventually, and probably feel more natural if you take the time to get comfortable with your situation. It's important to try to relax when you're being physical, as that should help you get more turned on as well. You should also make a point to try to get comfortable with your own body once again. If you can reach orgasm on your own, it might be easier to do so with your boyfriend.

If you haven't already, you might want to talk to a therapist about what happened to you. He or she should be able to offer support and some additional advice about how to get through this. There are therapists who specialize in helping victims of sexual abuse.

If you live in northern New Jersey, you can get help finding a therapist by calling the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400. Or, your regular doctor should be able to help you find a counselor, too. Another resource that may be helpful to you is Rape, Incest, Abuse National Network (RAINN). Remember that it will take some time to regain your comfort with being sexual, but it can be done.

Signed: TeenHealthFX