Oral & Anal Sex / Question
Published: October 29, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My boyfriend fingers me and I am fine with it, but I think there is something wrong with me because he tries to get me to cum and he can't. Don't get me wrong - it feels good but he can finger me for 15 minutes and it still does not happen. Could there be something wrong? What else could he do?
Signed: Fingers for 15 Min. Nothing Happens
Dear Fingers for 15 Min. Nothing Happens,
To enjoy sexual activity you have to be comfortable with your body and with your partner. There is a very strong brain-body link between relaxing and getting to orgasm. The more pressured, insecure, uptight or scared you feel the less your body can do what it needs to do. If you are trying and trying to orgasm, and so are unable to relax, you may just be trying too hard and making it increasingly difficult for you to climax.
You and you boyfriend may want to try experimenting with different techniques or changing your routine. If you continually use the same method, your body -- and mind for that matter -- may be getting bored. Masturbation is often noted as a great way for a person to explore their sexuality. Why not investigate the different possibilities of pleasuring yourself. Any type of masturbation is fine as long as it is not affecting your life and it is done in a private place.
It is important to understand that good communication is more often than not just as big a factor in a satisfying sexual relationship as the physical part. Try talking to your boyfriend about your concerns and discuss what feels good to you and what does not. Even though these conversations do tread on sensitive territory, if your relationship is mature enough to handle this kind of sexual activity, then you will both benefit and it will hopefully bring you closer. If you do not feel comfortable talking to him about these issues, you may want to ask yourself why. Perhaps you both need to take a step back and make sure you are ready to handle this level of involvement.
The other thing you could do is to try talking to your doctor about your concerns. This may sound odd to you, but your doctor is concerned about your overall well being which includes sexual health. If you live in Northern New Jersey you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at (973) 971.6475. If you live outside of Northern New Jersey, please call your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. Teen health centers will see teenagers confidentially (meaning you do not need your parent's permission) and on a reduced cost or no cost basis for sexual health reasons.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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