Sexuality: Gay, Straight & Bisexual / Question
Published: July 29, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Since I was very young, I liked to look and touch other guy’s penises. As I have aged (I am currently 17) I still have some sexual relations with this one guy, but only because he sometimes pays me cause that is the only way I will do it with him. Back to when I was younger, I think it was purely out of curiosity, but now I feel as though it was sick of me and that I want to forget about it. I have done sexual "thing" with two different men in my life time, one when I was younger around 10 it stopped but currently when this guy comes home from college he wants to hang out and we end up doing stuff. I told him I don’t want to be gay and do this stuff. Am I considered gay? This has scared me and I am afraid now. Sometimes when I am ejaculating or watch porn I start to think about males. I do not have the will power to forget about this. Please help me in stopping this. I know I will never forget the stuff I have done in the past, but I am afraid that if I am with a girl and I start thinking about this guy and his penis? Thank you for your time.
Signed: Afraid I Won't Forget About Guys When I'm With A Girl
Dear Afraid I Won't Forget About Guys When I'm With A Girl,
The first thing FX wants to tell you is that only you can decide whether you identify as being gay or not. It sounds like you find thinking about men arousing. This may mean that you want men to be your sexual partners, or it may just mean that men will always be a part of your sexual fantasies. However, whether you choose to refer to yourself as gay is a question only you can answer.
FX wants to stress that if you are interested in having sex with men, this is not "sick." Your sexual orientation is not something you can choose or change, and there is nothing wrong with being gay. We also want you to know that you are not the only person who has felt this way. Try reading the answers to "Fear I May Be Gay? “ or "Confused - Gay, Straight, or Bisexual" . You might also try searching the Sexuality and Sexual Health section of this website under the heading "Sexuality: Gay, Straight, and Bisexual" for more questions like yours.
No matter what your sexual orientation, it concerns us that someone is paying you for sex. It sounds like you are feeling confused. We cannot tell if you truly want to be having sex with this guy or if you are only doing so for money, but we think this is something you need to figure out for yourself before you continue being sexually active with him. Again, there is nothing wrong with having sex with a guy if that is what you want, but only if you are comfortable doing so and not being bribed.
TeenHealthFX recommends that you talk to someone to sort all these feelings out. You might try talking to a counselor at your school or another adult who you trust. Or you might try talking to a therapist. If you live in northern
We hope that talking with someone helps you become comfortable with your sexual identity, and that whatever your sexual orientation, you are able to develop sexual relationships that make you feel healthy and happy.
We would like to add that if you do continue having sex with this guy, or with anyone else, we hope you do it safely.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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