Sexual Readiness? / Question
Published: December 17, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a virgin, but I can't wait to have sex. Does it matter who I lose my virginity with? What should I do? Every time I come close to having sex, I get a queasy feeling in my stomach. I need some help and advice. I don't know what to do. I heard that just about everybody has had sex at least one time before they are married and I wouldn't mind waiting for the right girl and for marriage either, but I can't wait to lose my virginity. What should I do?
Signed: Can't Wait To Lose Virginity
Dear Can't Wait To Lose Virginity,
TeenHealthFX is glad that you wrote and are reaching out for some help, it sounds like you are pretty confused about this issue. You are going through puberty and it is normal to have strong sexual feelings, but to answer your questions directly; Yes! It does matter very much whom you share your first sexual experience with.
Having sex for the first time is an important decision and comes with enormous responsibility. It is a choice that is made based on what is best for you and your partner and what you are both most comfortable with. Sharing it with someone that you trust and care deeply for is an important part of making your first experience a positive and pleasurable one. If you are doubtful at all about whether you are ready or have found the right partner, it can't hurt to wait until you are absolutely sure it is the right time.
Keep in mind that it is never a good idea to base a decision (no matter how important) on what everyone else is doing. Think about making the choices that are right for you instead, and you will no doubt end up taking the right steps at the right time. Sex can be fun and exciting, but needs to be a well thought out decision, not something you do just to keep up with the crowd!
If you do decide that you are prepared to handle the responsibility of a sexual relationship with someone special then you should see your doctor before hand to get options on birth control. If you don't feel comfortable consulting your doctor and you live in Northern New Jersey, you can also call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at (973) 971.6475. A health care provider at a teen health center can educate you in making the correct decisions regarding sex, birth control methods and STD protection. If you live outside the area, you can go to your local Planned Parenthood or teen health center to get a confidential, low cost/no cost visit.
Please, be safe and smart about sex!
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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