Sexuality & Sexual Health: Miscellaneous / Question
Published: September 30, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am 21. I don't have any sexual feelings towards men at all. (Or women for that matter) I hate talking about or hearing about sex. I've never had a boyfriend and don't want one. I get scared around guys and mostly try to avoid them. I know this isn't normal. I feel so different from my friends. I once walked in on my younger sister engaged in a sexual act with her boyfriend and I freaked out. I stated screaming and telling him to get out of the house then broke down and cried hysterically for hours in the corner of my room. My sister was crying outside my door and pleading for me to stop. I took a safety pin and dragged it angrily over my inner forearm until I was exhausted and fell asleep. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I started counseling but stopped because I couldn't talk about this stuff outloud. Just hearing words like sex, body, woman, etc make me feel sick. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know you don't either, but could this be some kind of mental illness? Or am I just crazy??
Signed: I Don't Have Sexual Feelings - What's Wrong?
Dear I Don't Have Sexual Feelings - What's Wrong?,
TeenHealthFX does not think you are crazy but we are worried about you. While it is normal to feel confused about sex as you go through adolescence, it sounds like the subject is extremely difficult for you.
We think it is very important for you to talk to someone about these feelings. We understand that you tried counseling and got so uncomfortable that you stopped, but we think that was a good step and that you should try it again. If it is hard for you to talk about this stuff out loud, maybe you could begin by showing this question to your counselor so he or she could understand how difficult it is to talk about these issues. A professional can help you understand where your extreme feelings and reactions about sex and sexuality come from and help you work towards building healthy sexual relationships.
To get yourself on the road to finding a professional, try to talk to an adult like your parents, a guidance counselor, a school nurse or teacher. They may be able to refer you to a counselor. Or if you live in northern NJ you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.2471400 for help in finding a therapist. Outside of this area, you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's website for services in your area.
We are also concerned to hear that you were hurting yourself - if you continue cutting yourself you might do some real harm. If at any time you feel that you are going to harm yourself seek help right away! You can either call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room for assistance. You can also call a crisis hotline - in northern New Jersey call the crisis hotline at Morristown Memorial Hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area contact the Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
A comprehensive review of pediatric trials conducted between 1988 and 2006 suggests that the benefits of antidepressant medications likely outweigh their risks to children and adolescents with major depressive and anxiety disorders.
