Sexual Readiness? / Question
Published: December 17, 2007
Dear TeenHealthFX,
im 14 and have been seeing my bf for a month and i want to have sex but im not sure if im ready and if i want to do it i want to have some kind of birth control other than a condom im so confused and i dont know what to do can u please help
Signed: Want To Have Sex, But Not Sure If I'm Ready
Dear Want To Have Sex, But Not Sure If I'm Ready,
Simply put, if you are not sure if you are ready for sex…then you are not ready! And TeenHealthFX can appreciate that at your age you may not be feeling ready for such a big step in your life. Fourteen is very young to be getting involved in such a physically intimate way with another person. And, while a month understandably feels like an eternity to a teenager, it is not very long in the grand scheme of things – and FX thinks that it is important for younger couples to put in a little more dating time before the topic of having sex even comes up.
As you get older and you find yourself in long-term committed relationships, here are some things to think about for the future in terms of determining whether or not you are ready yet for sex. If you answer “no” to any of the following questions, be patient with the fact that you are simply not yet ready for this big step and know that it will come soon enough!
- Do you understand the physical nature of sex – how it all physically works?
- Are you prepared to deal with all of the responsibilities that come with sex, such as doing what is necessary to protect yourself against STDs and unwanted pregnancies?
- Since abstinence is the only form of protection against STDs and unwanted pregnancies that is 100%, if you become sexually active are you prepared to deal with a situation where you become pregnant or infected with an STD if your safer sex method fails?
- For some people having sex at a young age or before marriage goes against family, cultural, or religious beliefs. If this is the case for you, are you prepared to go against the beliefs of other people in your family and/or community?
- Are you comfortable talking about sex with your partner and talking with your doctor about how to practice safer sex?
- Do you feel emotionally ready to deal with all the feelings that come up in relation to being so intimate with another person? Many adolescents minimize the significance of having sex with another person and are therefore often surprised by the intensity of their emotional reactions to having sex – particularly how they react if the relationship does not last.
When you are ready down the road to be sexually intimate with someone, FX recommends the following:
- You and partner discuss becoming sexually active in terms of emotional readiness, where things stand in your relationship, and what the two of you will do when it comes to safer sex practices.
- You and your partner speak to your doctors about getting tested for any STDs prior to being intimate with one another.
- You and your partner speak with your healthcare providers about the right birth controls methods for you. This will probably include recommendations to use condoms each and every time you have vaginal, anal, or oral sex to protect yourself against the transmission of STDs, and to be on the pill or patch as a back-up method of birth control to protect against unwanted pregnancies. However, your doctor will review the best options with you.
Keep in mind that you should never feel forced or pressured by a significant other into becoming sexually active. And if that person refuses testing or the use of safer sex methods, that person is not thinking about helping to protect your overall well-being – and that should not be tolerated by you!
If you don't have a doctor and live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Among young people ages 12-17, prescription drugs have become the second most abused illegal drug, behind marijuana.
