Sexual Readiness? / Question
Published: February 18, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
my girlfriend accidentaly got pregnant with her ex, she had an abortion, she is now nerly paranoid about getting pregnant again. We have had sex once but she got so ancious afterwards that we both agreed that it would be better to wait untill she was more comfortable with it, even though we both want to have it again. How can I help her?
Signed: Girlfriend Anxious To Have Sex Since Having An Abortion
Dear Girlfriend Anxious To Have Sex Since Having An Abortion,
TeenHealthFX applauds you for being sensitive to what your girlfriend is going through right now and for wanting to be there to help her through this tough time. There are a lot of things to consider when it comes to sexual readiness – and both people feeling comfortable with engaging in that level of physical intimacy is definitely one of them. So FX agrees with what the two of you decided – that it is best to wait to have sex again until she is feeling more comfortable with it. And since you are looking to be helpful to her, FX suspects that your being so patient and caring towards her about her need to wait is probably more helpful to her than you could imagine.
As far as all the ways in which you can be helpful, FX recommends the following:
- Continue to be patient and to wait until she is feeling more comfortable and less anxious with the idea of having sex. Going through all of the emotions of finding out she was pregnant and then having an abortion understandably took a toll on her – and FX can appreciate that she would not want to have to go through all of that again. So continue to be patient and understanding and give her plenty of time and space with this issue – it will help her to eventually feel more comfortable with all of this.
- If she hasn’t done so already, suggest to your girlfriend that she meet with her primary care physician, gynecologist or adolescent medicine specialist about what the best birth control methods are for her to protect against unwanted pregnancies in the future. For teens it is usually recommended that a birth control method, such as the pill or patch, is used along with condoms. If your girlfriend feels she is prepared when it comes to practicing safer sex, hopefully this will help to calm her anxieties.
- If it seems like your girlfriend is having trouble dealing with any feelings connected to having gotten pregnant and having had an abortion, suggest to her that she meet with a mental health professional to talk about these feelings and so that she can find a way to come to peace with what she went through.
- Make sure that your girlfriend knows that you are there to support her and to do whatever necessary to help prevent any unwanted pregnancies – whether it is using condoms, driving her to her doctor’s so she can discuss being on some kind of birth control, or helping her to pay for the birth control if needed. In addition, ask your girlfriend if it would help for the two of you to discuss what the two of you would want to do and how you would be there for her in the event that she did get pregnant. Again, knowing that she would have your ongoing support and help would also hopefully help her to feel less anxious.
- Above all, continue to be loving towards her and understanding about what she is going through and try not to get irritated or pushy with her when it comes to the topic of sex considering what she has gone through.
If your girlfriend lives in northern
If your girlfriend doesn't have a doctor and lives in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
The teen pregnancy rate in the United States is the highest of any industrialized democracy, nearly twice that of Great Britain and 10 times that of Japan. 
