Sexuality: Gay, Straight & Bisexual / Question
Published: March 13, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am gay, and have known since i was about 13. What age is it normal for boys to know that they are gay?
Signed: Normal Age To Know You're Gay
Dear Normal Age To Know You're Gay,
There is no normal age for males (or females) to discover and understand their identity as a gay, straight or bi-sexual person.
Here is some explanation:
From early childhood through puberty our future likes and dislikes begin to be shaped. Depending on the type of environment that a child grows up in, they may be exposed to more diverse groups of people. If a child were beginning to feel as though they were not experiencing the same thing that their peers were, they may not understand at first why they are feeling the way that they do. It may take years for them to come to an understanding regarding their sexual preference and for some of the clues during their childhood to fall into place. Then, depending on their environment, they may be able to embrace that lifestyle, or attempt to hide their true feelings. It is often sad to learn that many teens lead very sad and lonely lives as they wrestle with their feelings when society or their community does not accept them. Please understand that no two people have the same experience of discovering themselves and letting the world in on their lifestyle. If you think someone might be gay, especially if they are a young teenager, they may not be ready to let the whole school know about their lifestyle. It is important to be sensitive to the fact that this can be a very troubling time for people, and that your loving support may be welcome or may be rejected.
Often during the period of "coming out" or discovering oneself and announcing ones sexual preference to family and friends, it is helpful to seek assistance from a counselor. They may assist in dealing with the negative responses that come from some family, friends, or even strangers. Here is just one example of a teen who reached out for help to understand his feelings. "Confused-Gay, Straight, or Bisexual". If you live in northern NJ and would like to speak with a counselor, call the Access Center for Behavioral Health at (888) 247-1400. Another resource for information and support is the Gay and Lesbian Teens Hotline at (800) 850-8078.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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