Sexual Readiness? / Question
Published: September 8, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a sixteen-year-old bisexual female, and my current lover is a fifteen-year-old male. We are both virgins in the sense that we've never had penis-vagina intercourse with anyone, but I am way more experienced than he is. He had never even made out with a girl before I came along. We've known each other for about a year now, but we became romantically involved about a month and a half ago. What I'm concerned about is that things are moving too fast for our ages. Today I gave him oral pleasure for the first time (he has already given it to me), and he's seen me naked. In the midst of our actions today he asked if I had a condom with me (I sometimes carry one in case a friend needs it), and I responded that I didn't, gently reminding him that I'm not ready for sex. Someday I would like to give my virginity to him, but waiting a few years seems near impossible. He's not even reached my state's age of consent. We've discussed several times about slowing things down, but once I climb into his bed for the afternoon, all those promises just slip away.
Signed: Not Ready For Sex, But So Tempted At Times
Dear Not Ready For Sex, But So Tempted At Times,
It sounds like you are feeling very clear about your values and intentions here – that you are not ready to lose your virginity. If that is, in fact, what you want, TeenHealthFX thinks that you need to be clear with yourself and your partner about what the two of you need to do (or not do) to reduce the temptation to have intercourse.
A recovering alcoholic needs to be clear on his/her limits. Can they be around people who are drinking without feeling too tempted to drink? Can they go to a bar with friends and be okay drinking soda rather than liquor? If the answer to both questions is “no,” and they want to stay sober, then they will have to ask their friends not to drink around them and they will have to stay out of bars. In the same way, you need to figure out your limits and stick to them if you see that certain things will create too much a temptation for you and put you in a situation where you get so caught up in feelings you lose sight of your goal (which is easy to do). So if that means not climbing into his bed for the afternoon, holding back on oral sex, or whatever else – you need to make a commitment to those things and ask your partner to do the same.
As we always do, FX wants to remind you to always practice safer sex – using a condom every time you have oral, anal, or vaginal sex, as well as a back-up method of birth control such as the pill or patch for vaginal sex.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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