Sexually Transmitted Diseases / Question
Published: November 3, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am 16 years old and I've been dating this guy for 8 months so far. And as far as I know we are both virgins, but he's been with a lot of other girls and I'm scared he might have something. There are also rumors going around that he is going to break up with me if I don't have sex with him. But every time I ask him about it he says "I don't just want you for sex, if I did would I still be wit you?" I don't know if he means it or if its a guilt trip. I really like him and all but I'm scared and I don't feel ready and I don't know what I would do If I got pregnant at this age. What do I do?
Signed: Afraid Boyfriend Might Have Something
Dear Afraid Boyfriend Might Have Something,
Simply put, it sounds to TeenHealthFX like right now you are not ready for sex. There are a lot of variables involved when it comes to sexual readiness. There are significant emotions involved and there are things to consider when sexually active, such as pregnancy or the transmission of STDs. So it is completely understandable to FX and absolutely normal that you would not feel ready for sex at 16 – especially when it comes to the “what if’s” of pregnancy that concern you. Do you keep the baby, give it up for adoption, or have an abortion? How will you feel about going through with any of those choices as each choice presents with its own set of difficulties, particularly for an adolescent? For some it feels more comfortable to not have sex and not run the risk of being faced with those kinds of questions.
Since it sounds like you are not feeling read for sex, FX wants you to know that your choice is okay. It’s perfectly fine for you not to want to take that next step with your boyfriend, and you should feel proud of yourself for standing up for what feels right for you. By not having sex with him it doesn’t mean you don’t care about him – it’s really not even about him, it’s about you and what you are ready for. And if he breaks up with you, puts pressure on you, or tries to manipulate you in any way to have sex, then it is he who does not truly care about and respect you.
As for these rumors, if someone approaches you to tell you he will break up with you if you will not have sex with him, let them know that the details of your relationship are private and that it’s not any of their business. And be clear with them that if someone wanted to break up with you because you didn’t have sex with them, that it would be their loss, not yours.
When the time comes that you feel ready to have sex – whether with this boyfriend or someone else in the future – FX recommends that you do the following: Let your partner know that it is important for the two of you to be tested for STDs before becoming sexually active. People sometimes carry an STD without being symptomatic (such as with herpes) – so they don’t even know they have it. So get tested and let your partner know you just feel it is better to be safe than sorry. In addition, speak with a medical professional about safer sex options. FX generally recommends using a condom, as well as a back-up method of birth control, such as the pill or patch. Your doctor will be able to make the best recommendations for you.
You only have one body, so it is important that you take care of it and respect it, and demand that others respect it as well. So hold off on sex if you’re not ready, know that if your boyfriend does break up with you over it, it is his loss and not yours, and feel sure that you are doing the right thing when it comes to STD testing and practicing safer sex so that you can take the best precautions possible when it comes to preventing the transmission of STDs or unwanted pregnancies.
If you don't have a doctor and live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Statistics show that giving a teen a credit card does not teach them to be financially responsible or to encourage self-restraint, but actually promotes a “spend now and deal with the consequences later” mindset.
