Sexual Readiness? / Question
Published: May 20, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
im 13, and ive told alot of boys im not a virgin when i am, and now they have been asking me to meet them, i think i am ready but just scared about it hurting. and would it be best to find a good relationship and then tell the truth? instead of being pressured into it when im out with him? HELP thanks.
Signed: 13 And Telling Guys I'm Not A Virgin When I Really Am
Dear 13 And Telling Guys I'm Not A Virgin When I Really Am,
TeenHealthFX is concerned that at 13 you are putting so much thought and energy into losing your virginity. FX feels very strongly that 13 is an extremely young age for a person to become sexually active. There is so much to think about and deal with when it comes to having sex – knowledge about physically what goes on, responsibility when it comes to practicing safer sex, and emotional readiness in terms of all of the positive and negative feelings that can come up for a person. If you are interested in dating, FX thinks that you should speak to your parents about what the rules are in your house when it comes to dating, as well as getting education and information from them about safe dating practices that will help to ensure your physical and emotional well-being. But we do not think you should continue to talk to anyone, outside of maybe close friends and family, about your virginity status – and we definitely think you should put the idea of having sex for the first time out of your head for at least a few years.
When you go around telling guys that you are not a virgin, most likely they will want to pursue you to have sex – they may charm you, coax you, or do whatever else to be able to have sex with you – but most likely you will be left with nothing but having lost your virginity when all is said and done. If you want to convey something to boys, convey to them why they should want to date you, not why they should want to sleep with you. Make your strengths and talents clear – whether you are good at school, artistic, musical, kind, sensitive, athletic, or whatever else. Make a statement that you are worth more than just sex and set clear standards for yourself that if a guy wants to date you at this point in your life, he can spend time with you and get to know you – but he cannot get sexual with you.
If you find you are still confused about this and need further guidance, please speak to a trusted adult, such as your parents, an extended family member, a school counselor, your school nurse, a trusted teacher or anyone else who can give you some support and help with this issue.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
