Sexuality: Gay, Straight & Bisexual / Question
Published: November 1, 2000
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I don't know what's wrong with me. I like girls as friends, but then again I check out them more than I check out guys. I never ever, ever want to be a lesbian. I think it's gross. But I know you're just going to say it's natural. It's not, it's gross. I don't mean to offend anyone, but help me!! Am I a lesbian or not?
Signed: Straight?
Dear Straight?,
TeenHealthFX does not know if you are lesbian or not. What your sexuality is depends totally on your feelings. Feeling confused about your sexuality can be very difficult and frightening. You do not say how old you are or how long you have been having these feelings, but it IS completely normal to have hetero- and homosexual feelings, especially as a teenager when learning about sexuality becomes an important issue.
Teenagers commonly feel attracted to their own sex as well as the opposite sex. This does not definitely mean they are gay or straight or bisexual. You are going through a time in your life where you are learning what feels most comfortable and who you are attracted to.
The confusion and worry you feel about having homosexual feelings seems to stem from fear that possibly being lesbian is wrong or "gross". Being homosexual is neither right nor wrong - it simply is being sexually attracted to the same sex. There is no right or wrong attraction.
It is important to note and remember that your sexuality and sexual preference are biological and predetermined traits. Sexuality and sexual preference are not environmental and you cannot change your sexuality or sexual feelings.
Being aware of how you are feeling is important and it is a huge step is trying to figure out who you are. However, these feelings may change over time. Some teenagers have same sex homosexual experiences as part of their sexual experimentation, but ultimately identify themselves as heterosexual. Also, it is not uncommon at some point for gay teenagers to have heterosexual relationships.
TeenHealthFX is concerned about you and thinks you may need someone to talk to about your feelings. Seek out someone that you can trust on this one like a parent, doctor, coach, guidance counselor or school nurse. Sexuality is a difficult topic for teens and it can be helpful to discuss your feelings with someone you respect and trust.
It might also help you to check out the following websites for more information:
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays - A Be Yourself Guide For Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Teens
Youth Resource - A site geared toward gay, lesbian and bisexual teens
Sometimes these decisions and choices can make someone feel depressed, isolated and upset or even worse, not normal. If you feel like you are in crisis, depressed or have thoughts of suicide, please seek help. In New Jersey, please call Atlantic Behavioral Health's 24-Hour Crisis Hotline at (973) 540.0100. Outside of NJ, please call 1(800) SUICIDE.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
The reality of excessive interest rates and fees that often accompany credit card use for teens, can put youngsters in a position where they are losing out on admission to graduate school, getting a job, or renting an apartment because of damaged credit history.
