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My Brother's Dad Says Mean And Threatening Things To Me

Published: February 24, 2014
Dear My Brother's Dad Says Mean And Threatening Things To Me,

My brothers dad has been saying mean and threatening things to me for as far back as I can remember. He calls me selfish and a "black hole" he calls me "her" or "that girl" when he is mad at me instead of calling me by my name, he calls me other things like a brat when he gets mad at me, he threatens to "knock my fucking teeth out" or says that hes going to knock me on my ass or make me need an ambulance a lot. He has been threatening me like that since I was like 6 or 7. It's made me scared for my safety ever since and I'm almost 17 now. He has slapped me a few times over the years, he threw me into the stove once but it was a few years ago so i dont even know if that's worth mentioning, but sometimes I have bad dreams about it, and a few weeks ago we were fighting and he lost his temper with me and grabbed me by my shirt, threw me onto the couch, and got on top of me and was yelling at me and I was scared he was going to hit me. He got on top of me so hard he left a bruise on my leg from his knee. After this happened I had a panic attack and hid in the bathroom because I didn't want them to see me being so weak and he came in and opened the door and told me that I was full of shit and that I was faking it because I didn't get my WAY. Him and my mom aren't even married anymore, he is living here because he is homeless and my mom will do anything to please him. She has never tried to get him to stop cussing at me or screaming at me or tried to stop him from being mean to me and calling me names. He makes me feel worthless, and her letting him makes me feel not cared about at all. I feel like I don't matter. I've been depressed and cutting since 6th grade because I feel so worthless all the time, and I just want to feel something besides all of this bad stuff. I don't feel real a lot of the time. 99% of the time I feel like I'm living life with a curtain through my eyes, or like life isn't real, like it's a dream or something and I don't know why. I can't tell my mom any of that though because she will see it as me wanting attention and just yell at me. I have bad anxiety problems too and I am always scared and worrying and anxious. I have begged my mom to get me help multiple times but she yells at me and says we don't have the money for a therapist even though the insurance would cover it. I don't feel safe in my home, I constantly want to cut even though I've been trying to quit, and I've been having suicidal thoughts a lot more than usual. I don't think going to an adult would help. I think it would just cause more problems. I don't really want to die but the only solution I can think of is to kill myself so I don't have to feel all this worthlessness and sadness anymore. I hate it and I hate me. I don't know what to do. Please respond, I don't know where to turn. Thank you


Dear My Brother's Dad Says Mean And Threatening Things To Me,

TeenHealthFX is very sorry that you are dealing with this kind of abuse from your brother’s father and that your mother is not acting in a way to protect you from his anger and violent behavior. If your mother is unable to take steps to ensure that your brother’s father is not able to harm you physically or emotionally, then it is important for another adult to intervene on your behalf. From what you are describing it sounds like it would be helpful for your local child protective services to assess the situation and make whatever interventions are necessary to keep you safe. You could either speak to your family doctor, a counselor at school or teacher at school, as any of them would be able to contact child protective services on your behalf. You could also contact your local child protective services yourself and make a report of what is going on. If you have any concerns about how your brother’s father will react to child protective services being involved, inform them of this when the initial call is made.

You or an adult acting on your behalf can call your local child protective services, The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453, or The Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-792-8610.

The most important thing right now is to ensure your physical and emotional safety. Once that has been addressed, FX thinks it would be helpful for you to meet with a therapist to help you address the thoughts and feelings connected to what you have been dealing with for years regarding these family dynamics. FX can appreciate that you could easily have feelings of anger, sadness, and anxiety connected to what you have experienced – and it is important for you to have a safe place to deal with those feelings.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), available 24 hours a day, or the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

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