Bookmark and Share

I Didn't Say "No," So Does That Mean I Wasn't Raped?

Published: October 30, 2013
Dear I Didn't Say "No," So Does That Mean I Wasn't Raped?,

I didn't specifically say no, does that mean it wasn't rape? I was at a party the other night and I was crossfaded so I decided to go to be before doing something stupid. I was asleep and one of my friends lay down next to me and told me to give him a handjob, I didn't say anything so he put my hand on himself. When I still didn't do anything he began to finger me. I didn't stop him because I figured if I just let him do that he would leave me alone. He then pulled me out of the bed and told me we were going for a walk to smoke. He kind of pulled me along and I didn't resist because I was really confused about everything that was happening. He put me in the back of his truck and told me to give him a blowjob. I told him multiple times I didn't want to and he just pulled my head towards himself, I was able to push myself away though. Then he told me to lie down and I did thinking he was giving up and was going to let me sleep. He then started to take my pants off telling me I had thrown up on myself and he was trying to take care of me. I believed him because he was my friend. I closed my eyes to try to sleep and next thing I knew he was in me. I didn't specifically say no because I was a virgin and I was in so much pain that all I could muster were some whimpers. I tried to move my hips away from him so he couldn't enter but he put all of his weight down on me and held my shoulders so I was pinned. It was very obvious that I didn't want sex, but I didn't specifically say no because I was in pain and confused and drunk/high. Does that make it not rape because I didn't say no?


Dear I Didn't Say "No," So Does That Mean I Wasn't Raped?,

Whenever you say “no” to sex, it’s not consensual. Whenever sex is not consensual, it’s rape. If you feel that is what occurred, then you should contact a rape hotline and/or your local police department so that you can begin to get the information, guidance and support you need in figuring out how to best deal with this difficult situation.

You can contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week for help and information. You can also search for a local counseling center on their website or use their online hotline for help and information.

For more information about whether or not rape occurred, go to the RAINN webpage on Was I Raped?

Ratings