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Like A Guy My Friend Likes, Too

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
There's this guy that I like but don't know how he feels. I am to shy to ask him anything about it. He is really funny and he has been like remembering things that I tell him. We've talked about other people relationships but nothing about us. The main problem is that my best friend likes him, but she doesn't know that I like him too. What if I find out he likes me back, then I don't want her to feel like I'm stabbing her in the back. I really need help?
Signed: Like A Guy My Friend Likes, Too

Dear Like A Guy My Friend Likes, Too,

 

TeenHealthFX checked in with our Teen Advisory Committee for some feedback about the predicament you are in. Our TAC agreed that they can’t tell you what to do here – there is no right or wrong answer or simple way to just solve this problem where everyone will definitely come out happy. What you have to do is weigh the pros and cons of pursuing a relationship with this guy given that your friend likes him, too, and decide what feels best for you and your relationships with these people.

Our TAC wanted you to consider the following in deciding how to proceed:

·         Is it worth it to you to pursue a relationship with this guy if it means that your relationship with your friend might be compromised? It is possible that your friend will feel too hurt and angry to want to stay close with you if you end up dating this guy. If that happens, you may have to deal with some kind of fallout between you and your friend. This may take the form of her being and acting pretty angry towards you, or it may just be that she pulls away and puts distance in the relationship. How will you feel if that happens?

·         If this guy does like you and not your friend, and your friend is unable to be happy for you about it (after some initial disappointment or sadness), will you feel angry and resentful with her?

·         What kind of relationship do you have with your friend and what is the strength of the relationship? Can you talk to your friend about this before you pursue anything? You can say something to your friend like, “I know you like ________, but you what you might not know is that I like him, too. If it turns out he does like me and we were to date, would that be a major problem for our friendship? I have feelings for this guy, but our friendship is obviously important to me, too, and I’m feeling a little lost about how to handle all this. So can we talk about it?”

·         It sounds like you don’t know if this guy likes you. What if he likes your friend? How would you feel about that or about the two of them dating one another?

There are quite a few things to think about and consider in deciding what to do. If you are finding that it is too difficult to figure this out on your own, consider checking with one of your parents or maybe a counselor at school. Sometimes when we have someone to bounce our thoughts and ideas off of, it helps us to get closer to making a decision of what feels right and best for us.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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