Ideally, sex should be about two people who have strong feelings for one another and want to connect with one another in an intimate way because of those strong feelings. When people are physically intimate because they care about each other and want to express that care, preferences about things like pubic hair become secondary. When two people care about each other and decide to start a physically intimate relationship, at some point it is natural to have conversations about what feels pleasurable to each partner. Discussing pubic hair and shaving can be part of these conversations, but they should be a part of ongoing conversations between two people who care about one another rather than a decision one person makes based on what others may or may not “expect.”
TeenHealthFX is wondering about two things based on what you described above. The first thing is if you are taking the proper precautions to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs given your description of your sexual encounters as being somewhat unexpected and random. Keep in mind that doctors generally recommend sexually active teens and young adults to use condoms each and every time they have sex, as well as a back-up method of birth control such as the pill or birth control shot. It would be helpful for you to discuss this with your doctor – he/she can make the best recommendations for you.
If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-5199 for an appointment with an adolescent medicine specialist or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.
The second thing FX is wondering is where you are at when it comes to sex, relationships and being connected to others. You describe sex in a somewhat detached manner and do not seem really connected to feelings between you and the person you are having sex with or having a caring relationship in place in order to decide to have sex with someone. FX thinks it would be helpful for you to speak to a trusted adult about this, such as a parent, school counselor or even a private therapist so that you can find out what is happening for you that you seem very emotionally detached from sex and the people you choose to have sex with.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
TeenHealthFX would also like to encourage you to educate yourself about various things related to your sexual health so you can ensure that you are making healthy decisions for yourself when it comes to your emotional and physical well-being. You can read about sexual readiness, how pregnancy happens, birth control, STDs and more through our Resource of the Month: Planned Parenthood Resources on Safer Sex.
15-24 year olds account for half of all new STD infections. 1
HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection. 2
"Transgender" is a term that includes the many ways that people's gener identities can be different from the sex they were assigned at birth. 3
Usually, puberty starts between ages 8 and 13 in girls and ages 9 and 15 in boys. 4
About 6-9% of children and adolescents have ADHD. 5
Tobacco smoking can lead to lung cancer, chronic bronchitis and emphysema. 6
Anorexia has the highest death rate of any mental disorder. 7
Studies show that people who eat breakfast do better in school, tend to eat less throughout the day, and are less likely to be overweight. 8
Young drivers (ages 16-20) are 17 times more likely to die in a crash when they have a blood alcohol concentration of .08% than when they have not been drinking. 9
Dating violence can take place in person or electronically, such as repeated texting or posting sexual pictures of a partner online. 10
Dehydration- not having enough fluids in your body- can cause headache, fatigue, crankiness and poor concentration. 11
National guidelines recommend that young people spend no more than two hours each day using electronic media for recreation. 12
A panic attack is a surge of intense fear and discomfort that usually peaks within ten minutes, but can last as long as several hours. 13
Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15-24 year olds. 14
42.2% of female rape victims were first raped before age 18. 15
Pregnancy and birth are significant contributions to high school dropout rates among girls. 16
Females aged 15-19 continue to have higher rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea than any other age or sex group. 17
E-cigarettes are the most commonly used form of tobacco among youth in the United States. 18
More teens die from prescription drugs than heroin/cocaine combined. 19
Teens who consistently learn about the risks of drugs from their parents are up to 50% less likely to use drugs than those who don't. 20
20% of youth ages 13-18 live with a mental health condition. 21
Bipolar disorder is defined as a "brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks." 22
An obese child or teenager is one who weighs at least 20% more than their ideal body weight. 23
3 in 10 teen American girls will get pregnant at least once before age 20. 24
About 208,000 young people under 20 years of age have diagnosed diabetes. 25
Reversible methods of birth control include: intrauterine contraception, hormonal methods, barrier methods and fertility awareness-based methods. 26
Each day, nearly 3,000 kids under the age of 18 try their first cigarette and another 700 become regular, daily smokers. 27
Approximately 85% of people between the ages of 12 and 24 experience at least minor acne. 28
Most tobacco smokers begin smoking during adolescence. 29
90% of teens who are LGBT come out to their close friends. 30