Sexual Control

There are many things to be educated on when it comes to being sexually active in order to stay as healthy as possible. This might include the emotional impacts of being sexually active, how to practice safer sex, an understanding of how pregnancy occurs and how STDs are transmitted, and more. But one more important thing to be aware of is something called sexual control.

Definition

Sexual control is when people pressure or force others to do sexual things that they don’t want to.

Who can be affected?

It can happen to anybody – teens and adults, women and men, single people and people in relationships, and gay, straight and transgender individuals – sexual control is not prejudiced against any particular group or groups.

What does sexual control look like?

Sexual control can include the following behaviors and situations:

  • Refusing to wear a condom when a partner wants to use one.
  • Pressuring someone to do sexual things she or he doesn’t want to
  • Threatening to end a relationship if a partner doesn’t have sex
  • Having sex with someone who is too drunk or high to make a decision
  • Physically making a partner have sex

The problem with all of the above scenarios is that a person’s rights are being ignored – what that person needs and wants is not being factored in. This kind of lack of respect and consideration is just not okay. In addition, certain situations above, such as the refusal to wear a condom, create the possibility for an unwanted pregnancy or the transmission of STDs – both of which are connected to a whole host of potential problems. These types of situation can create an environment of fear of one person towards another – and this is not something that can exist in a healthy relationship. Finally, there are legal consequences for these kinds of actions. For example, forcing someone to have sex against their will (no matter what the relationship status between the two people are) is rape – an act that has very serious legal consequences.

What do I need to know about my rights?

Whether you are in a relationship or are single, you have the right to decide what you want to do and what you do not want to do sexually. It is important to know that:

  • You can be in love with someone and still say “no” to sex. Saying “no” doesn’t mean you don’t care about your partner or aren’t in love with them anymore.  
  • You can be married and still say “no” to sex. Saying “no” doesn’t mean you are a bad spouse or don’t care about your spouse.
  • Being forced into sexual acts you do not want to participate in is sexual assault – it doesn’t matter what your relationship status is.

What should I do if I’m dealing with sexual control?

Sex is not something to be demanded or forced upon someone. Hopefully, it is an act between two people who love each other and who both want to be intimate and close in a very special way. If it starts to feel forced or pressured in any way, or if you feel uncomfortable in a situation or are starting to get anxious around your partner or fearful of him or her, then something is wrong. And when something is not right with a relationship issue you are dealing with, it is important to speak to a trusted adult as soon as possible so you can get some guidance and support about the situation and figure out to handle things for your own physical and emotional well-being.

 

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