Why Have Support Systems

Who Is In Your Corner?

At some point in our lives, each and every one of us comes face to face with difficult situations or unpleasant circumstances that can feel stressful, frustrating or saddening. And these are the times when we could each definitely benefit from having supportive and caring people in our corner – people who will be there with some helpful advice, a listening ear, or a shoulder to lean on. Unfortunately there are a lot of teens out there who do not have a good support system built up for themselves, leaving them alone and fending for themselves when faced with tough times. So TeenHealthFX has come up with some ideas of how teens can increase their support systems – particularly in terms of building up a network of trusted adults for guidance and support.

Many people just intuitively know how helpful it can be to have a good support system, but the emerging field of social neuroscience has research that actually proves how beneficial it can be when people are there for us in a supportive way. The University of Wisconsin-Madison did a study that showed that support from a loved on during a stressful time not only felt good, but also calmed the brain circuits that produce stress hormones. And when these stress hormones are elevated for long periods of time, they can actually impact our physical well-being, such as the cardiovascular system. 

To have a solid support system of people who will be there for you during difficult and stressful times – people who will be a good influence in helping you to keep your emotional health and physical well-being in balance – try to come up with a list of at least five people who you can count on to be there for you so you will always have an empathic person to turn to in times of trouble. And keep a list of their names and phones numbers on hand to be contacted whenever you may need them. If you are having trouble coming up with a complete list, here are some possibilities of people you can turn to:

Parents

Adolescence is typically and understandably a time where teens tend to gravitate more towards confiding in friends and spending time with peers rather than with family members. This is a normal process for teens as they move towards becoming more independent. However, FX wants to stress that even though friends play a vital role during adolescence, parents do remain an important and significant source of support and guidance for their teenage children. 

While FX would hope that most teens would be able to include parents on their list of people they can turn to for a listening ear or some direction when faced with difficult choices, we do appreciate that there are many teens out there who do not feel comfortable confiding in their parents or able to rely on their parents for various reasons. If this is the case for you, FX strongly recommends sitting down with your parents and coming up with a plan as to how you can strengthen your relationship with one another so that you can feel more confident in going to your parents in times of trouble. If you feel there are issues that have created conflicts or distance in the relationship, try and talk about those issues with your parents so they can be worked out (having the assistance of a family therapist might be helpful). Also, talk with your parents about the reactions they had in the past when you have come to them with a problem and let them know what is and what is not helpful. For example, if your parent tends to be a problem solver and instantly starts to tell you what you need to do to fix the situation, let your parent know that what you need is simply a listening ear or perhaps some guidance in helping you to come up with a workable solution to your problem. 

Extended Family Members

Aunt, uncles, grandparents, cousins and other extended family members can be wonderful sources of support. Having someone in your family who is just a phone call or a visit away can definitely be helpful when you need someone to vent to, to get advice from, or even to intervene on your behalf (such as to talk with your parents with you or for you if there are conflicts or other problems at home).

Siblings

When faced with a difficult situation or going through a tough time, it often feels good to know that there is someone out there who can relate to what you are going through. A sibling most likely goes (or has gone) to the same school district that you do, and usually has first hand experience of what it is like to live in your home and deal with the particular family dynamics that occur there. Therefore, a brother or sister can be a great person to turn to – especially for problems that you may be dealing with at school or at home. You can look to your sibling to see how he/she has dealt and coped with problems similar to what you are currently dealing with, or you can brainstorm together on ways in which to get through difficult situations.

Therapists/Psychiatrists

While therapists and psychiatrists can generally be a wonderful source of support and guidance, there are also various mental health issues that really do necessitate the involvement of a trained mental health professional. Just as you would need to see a cardiologist to deal with a heart problem or a neurologist if you had a disorder of the nervous system, it is important to seek help from a therapist and/or psychiatrist with certain emotional health issues. If you deal with a mood disorder, anxiety disorder, eating disorder, substance abuse issue, or significant problems with family or peer relationships – these are just a few of the issues where an important part of your support system should involve a mental health professional. 

School Staff Members

Because adolescents spend so much of their time in school, and since academic issues and problems with peers can end up being so troubling for teens, it can be very helpful to know that you have at least one adult at school who can be there for you as part of your support system. Whether it is a guidance counselor, school social worker or psychologist, school nurse, teacher, principal, coach or any other trusted adult – it can feel good to know that there is someone there you can talk to either on e regular basis, or as needed, who can give you a listening ear or some direction with a particular problem.

Support Groups

There are a few things that can be particularly helpful about support groups and therapy groups for a teen. For one, it helps you to not feel so alone in what you are dealing with as there will undoubtedly be others in your group who are facing the same kinds of issues. A support group is also helpful because you get the perspective and feedback of many different people as you search for how you want to deal with a specific problematic situation. And in terms of feeling supported, there is nothing like having a whole group of people in your corner, backing you up and rooting you on when you need it.

If you are interested in finding a support group for people in your age range, or that deal with a particular issue (such as bereavement, social skills issues, mood disorders, etc.), you could check with your school to see if any groups are offered onsite there. You could also check with your local hospitals or mental health agencies to see what kind of therapy groups are available for teens.

Friends

While TeenHealthFX thinks that it is important to have several trusted adults as a key part of your support system, we certainly do understand the power and importance of positive, healthy friendships when it comes to getting through tough times. Friends can be great to have around when you need someone to just cry to or listen to you. And friends are priceless when you are going through a tough time, such as a painful break-up – they can be there to cheer you up and take your mind off of things for a while. 

FX does want to stress the importance of leaning on friends who will be a healthy source of support – who will be there to encourage you to make healthy decisions for yourself, and to join you in healthy coping strategies when things get tough (for example, if you are stressed, go with the friend that wants to be there for you by exercising with you regularly to work off any tension rather than the friend who encourages you to use alcohol or drugs to deal with the stress).

If you find that you have had a hard time building up a good network of friends, FX suggests you try some of the following in order to meet some new people: join a sports team or club at your school; ask someone in one of your classes to get together to study or see a movie; volunteer at an organization in your community; if you practice a particular religion, participate in religious studies at your local church or synagogue; get a part-time job somewhere where it is very likely that you will be interacting with other teens, such as a movie theater or the mall; depending on your age you could make plans to be a camper, CIT, or counselor at a sleep-away camp as a way to meet some new people outside of your community.

Other Resources

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. 

And remember – if you ever need immediate support from someone in the event that you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses, please seek help right away. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.