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The Guy I Likes Smokes Weed - Will This Affect Our Relationship?

Published: April 26, 2016
Dear TeenHealthFX,
hi, i'm a 16 years olg girl and i really like a guy who i've met like 7 months ago, and he likes me back. but there are several cons: - he hangs out with the "cool kids" i mean i'm not like a loser like i have a good status in the school but still i'm not in the group of the popular people. will the fact that he is in the group affect my relationship with him? - he smokes weed. he doesn't smoke it everyday but he does often and i only smoke regular tobacco every once in a while. is the fact that he smokes weed going to affect my relationship? please i really need an answer!!! thanks
Signed: The Guy I Like Smokes Weed - Will This Affect Our Relationship?

Dear The Guy I Like Smokes Weed - Will This Affect Our Relationship?,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate that this is a difficult thing to think about. Clearly you are interested in this guy and he likes you as well. So to imagine that something might get in the way of a relationship between the two of you can certainly be disappointing. It is possible that this circle of friends and/or frequent use of marijuana could negatively impact a dating relationship between the two of you. But only you can know for sure what will work for you. So the following are some questions to consider in deciding whether this can work for you or not:

  • We all have our deal breakers when it comes to relationships with others. The first thing for you to think about is whether or not marijuana use is a deal breaker for you. Can you date someone who smokes weed or it is important to you to be with someone who doesn’t? Only you can know what you are willing to deal with in a relationship.
  • Second, this guy’s circle of friends and pot use says something about his values, interests and the kind of person he is. Does this go against your interests and values? If so, that could be a potential problem.
  • A third consideration is how much marijuana this guy smokes and how it affects him. People can use all kinds of drugs and/or alcohol to a point where it interferes with various aspects of their life, including relationships with others. So another question to ask yourself is whether the extent to which he uses has the potential to interfere in his dating relationships.
  • People who smoke pot frequently often have decreased drive and motivation. They do not do as well in school and often make smoking pot a main interest and pursuit over other academic and extra-curricular activities. So you might consider what this guy is interested in and what he is creating and building for himself in his life – and think about whether that appeals to you or not.

 

Nobody can make this decision for you, but since there are some things to consider and you are feeling unsure about it, it might help to discuss this with a trusted adult. You can speak to a parent, a school counselor, a parent of a friend, or even a private therapist to get some support and guidance as you decide how to proceed.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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