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My Girlfriend Says She'll Break Up With Me If I Don't Have Anal Sex

Published: June 28, 2016
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi male 15 here. Ok so im in awkward situation here. My girlfriend loves anal sex. I personally dont enjoy it that much just because its not really generally sanitary i guess? Its ok once in a while but she loves it more than vaginal sex. I told her that I kinda wanna stop the anal sex but then she seriously threatened to break up with me. I do like her a lot, shes pretty with a great personality, and I dont wanna lose her. Idk what to do tho? Should I end it? Or continue with this not really pleasuring sex?
Signed: My Girlfriend Says She'll Break Up With Me If I Don't Have Anal Sex

Dear My Girlfriend Says She'll Break Up With Me If I Don't Have Anal Sex,

TeenHealthFX is concerned that your girlfriend’s request to your discomfort about participating in anal sex is to threaten to break up with you. These kinds of threats are not part of a loving, caring relationship. FX also does not think you should feel pressured into doing anything sexually that you are not ready to do or are not comfortable with.

FX recommends that you take some time to think about how connected the two of you are emotionally and how caring/loving a relationship this really is if this is her response to your discomfort. If you feel you have a close, caring relationship then it would be important to talk to your girlfriend about this so that you can problem solve together about this and decide what to do. If you do not think this is a close, loving relationship and/or you do not feel the two of you can work this out in a healthy and loving way, then FX encourages you to think about whether or not you feel comfortable continuing in the relationship.

Relationships can be tricky things and often people find themselves in unfamiliar territory in navigating relationships and the issues that can come up. That said, it would be really helpful for you to have someone to talk about this with. Whether you speak to a parent, extended family member, school counselor, school nurse, or even a private therapist – it would be helpful for you to have someone who can provide you with the guidance and support you need as you figure out how you want to proceed.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.


Just so you and your girlfriend are aware, Planned Parenthood provides the following information about anal sex:

Listen to your body. If anal sex (or any sex) hurts, stop doing it and tell your partner how you feel – sex that's painful or uncomfortable should not continue and your partner should respect that.

You can't get pregnant from anal sex. But there's a bigger chance of getting STDs, including HIV, from unprotected anal sex. So it's important to always use condoms AND lube during anal sex to decrease the risk of STDs.

Signed: TeenHealthFX