Hello I'm a 14 year old girl and I was wondering if you think it is wrong for someone of my age to be in a relationship with someone around 10 years older. I am not in one and am not planning on it any time soon but most of my friends are adults and I only really like much older guys. I can wait on relationships thats no problem. I don't want to be in one unless its serious anyway but if I was to be the guy would probably be older. I actually really liked one guy he is 24 but he trys to avoid hanging out with me because he feels wrong doing anything with me. To be very clear when I say relationship I don't mean there will be sexual activity involved thats really why im asking would it be ok to be in a relationship like that if there was no sexual activity going on? And I'm not crazy or stupid I do know much older guys that are willing to wait on sex.
If you were referring to a dating relationship where there was any type of physical intimacy occurring, yes, TeenHealthFX would have concerns about this. For one thing, someone around 24 would be breaking the law by being sexually involved with someone around 14. Secondly, FX would have serious concerns about the emotional health and/or intentions of someone in their twenties pursuing a romantic relationship with someone so much younger.
If you are referring to a dating relationship between two people in these different age groups where there was either no sexual activity or minimal physical intimacy, FX would still have concerns because, again, what is going on with the emotional health and intentions of a 2-something person who wants to date someone 10 years younger?
Since you are saying that you are referring more to relationships between people in these age groups where there is no sex or physical intimacy of any kind involved, but what sounds like more of a friendship, rather than focusing on whether these relationships are “right” or “wrong,” FX would like to raise the question of what draws you to an older crowd. There are people out there in their early and mid-teens who have relationships of different kinds with people in their 20’s. Some may have siblings or cousins who are in their 20’s, spending some time with them and having perfectly healthy and loving relationships with them. But when a 14 year old talks about having friends exclusively with people in their 20’s, and having people 10 years older than them as their main social outlet, FX can’t help but wonder what is going on that the preference is to be with older people rather than their peers closer to their own age.
Without knowing more about you and why it is your preference to spend your time with older people, it is hard for FX to comment in detail about this. We do have some potential concerns about how you may feel about yourself and how you may feel about people your own age that we think would be helpful for you to talk about with a trusted adult. That said, FX recommends that you speak with a trusted adult, such as your parents, a school counselor, or a private therapist, so that you can talk in detail about your desire for these types of relationships and your reluctance to want to focus your attention on people closer to your own age. Once someone has a better idea of where you are coming from with this, they can give you the support and guidance you need to make the healthiest possible choices for yourself when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
Teens often abuse prescription drugs because of the myth that these drugs provide a medically safe high.
It is estimated that major depressive disorder (MDD) affects about 5% of adolescents, and that between 10 - 15% of adolescents have some symptoms of depression at any one time.
Statistics show that giving a teen a credit card does not teach them to be financially responsible or to encourage self-restraint, but actually promotes a “spend now and deal with the consequences later” mindset.
Girls are more likely to intentionally abuse prescription drugs than boys.
The reality of excessive interest rates and fees that often accompany credit card use for teens, can put youngsters in a position where they are losing out on admission to graduate school, getting a job, or renting an apartment because of damaged credit history.
Less than 33% of teens with depression get help, yet 80% of teens with depression can be successfully treated if they seek help from a doctor or therapist.
Traffic crashes are the greatest single cause of death for all persons age 6-33, and about 45% of these fatalities are alcohol-related crashes.
About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year.
30% of teens with depression also have a substance abuse problem.
Freshmen bring an average of $1,585.00 in credit card debt to college.
About a third of women who seek services related to unprotected sex, such as pregnancy testing or emergency contraception, do not receive STD counseling, testing, or treatment.
7-10% of college students will drop out of school because of credit problems.
Teens with untreated depression are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, leading to higher rates of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Most smokers begin smoking as teens, and the average age of initiation is 12.5 years of age.
People with manic symptoms and Bipolar Disorder II are at a significant risk of later developing an alcohol abuse or dependence problem.
Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for U.S. teens, accounting for 36% of all deaths in this age group.
The teen pregnancy rate in the United States is the highest of any industrialized democracy, nearly twice that of Great Britain and 10 times that of Japan. 4
Compared with other age groups, teens have the lowest rate of seat belt use, and male high school students are more likely than female students to rarely or never wear seat belts.
A national study of women ages 15-44 found that women were almost twice as likely to receive contraceptive services rather than STD services.
The teenage pregnancy rate in the U.S. is at its lowest level in thirty years, down 36% since its peak in 1990. Research suggests that both increased abstinence and positive changes in contraceptive practice are responsible these recent declines in teen pregnancy.
A sexually active teenager who does not use contraceptives has a 90% chance of becoming pregnant within one year. 8
In the United States, at least 5-10 million girls and women and 1 million boys and men are struggling with eating disorders. 11
Among male drivers between 15 and 20 years of age who were involved in fatal crashes in 2005, 38% were speeding at the time of the crash and 24% had been drinking.
Homicide is the second leading cause of death among 15- to 24-year-olds overall. 16
Every two minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted. 22
One in four teenage girls in the U.S. had at least one common sexually transmitted disease.
Suicide is the third leading cause of death among youths ages 15 to 20. 19
The highest Chlamydia rates occurred among women ages 15 to 19 and 20 to 24.
About 44% of rape victims are under age 18. Three out of every twenty victims (15%) are under age 12. 25
Each year, half of all HIV infections are among people under the age of 25.
Crash risk is particularly high during the first year that teenagers are eligible to drive.
One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. A total of 17.7 million women have been victims of these crimes. 23
Teen girls ages 15-19 have the highest Gonorrhea rate of any age group.
The motor vehicle death rate for male drivers and passengers ages 16-19 is more than one and half times that of their female counterparts.
More than four in 10 young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20 - nearly one million teen pregnancies a year 3
The presence of teen passengers increases the crash risk of unsupervised teen drivers; the risk increases with the number of teen passengers.
Smoking is the leading preventable cause of death in this country. More than 400,000 Americans die from tobacco-related causes each year, and most of them began using tobacco before the age of 18.
The risk of motor vehicle crashes is higher among 16- to 19-year-olds than among any other age group.
Underage drinking costs the U.S. more than $58 billion every year; enough to buy every public school student a state-of-the-art computer.
At all levels of blood alcohol concentration (BAC), the risk of involvement in a motor vehicle crash is greater for teens than for older drivers.
Teens who drink are more likely to be victims of violent crimes and sexual assault, have serious problems in school, be involved in drinking-related traffic crashes, and develop problems with alcohol later in life.
Nearly all the poison deaths in the U.S. are attributed to drugs, and most drug poisonings result from the abuse of prescription and illegal drugs.
Alcohol kills 6.5 times more youth than all other illicit drugs combined.
Persons aged 15-24, who represent only 14% of the U.S. population, account for 30% ($19 billion) of the total costs of motor vehicle injuries among males and 28% ($7 billion) among females.
Among young people ages 12-17, prescription drugs have become the second most abused illegal drug, behind marijuana.