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Mom Is Newly Married And Pregnant - Having Trouble Adjusting

Published: May 14, 2012
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Not even 8 months ago my mom start dating this guy and 3 months later they are married... I tried to give him a chance but I just dont like him. Me and my mom where fine until he came along. Now she always spend time with him so I talked to her about it her about it, now I get left over time (whenever he isnt home) which is not long enough. I tried spending time with them both putting aside the fact I really dislike him but my mom always seems to have an attitude, who would want to deal with that? Not only that, after I talked to her about how I felt she told me she loved me and what not (i guess to shut me up) then she stopped so I started telling her first or she wouldnt say it anymore. But everyday she would tell her "husband" she loved him everyday, if not that even more. Its just not fair to me and top of coming 2nd to him, she is prego. I was her only kid it was just me and her doing fine until he came. I hate the situation. I'm not even happy anymore might be depressed because I feel like i'm being thrown away by my only parent. It hurts inside, I've tried everything. Now I feel like giving up resulting to me crying every time I think of the ending of the situation, I cant talk to any1 about how I feel because no one knows exactly how I feel, if I do they will just say I'm being dramatic.
Signed: Mom Is Newly Married And Pregnant - Having Trouble Adjusting

Dear Mom Is Newly Married And Pregnant - Having Trouble Adjusting,

 

TeenHealthFX does not think you are just being “dramatic” here. It sounds like that for some time your home life has been about you and your mom. No matter how you feel about the person she ends up dating or marrying, or what you new sibling is going to be like, it can easily be a difficult adjustment to have the family dynamics shift so greatly. To not like your step-father, and to feel like your mother changes her behavior towards you when she is with him, on top of these changes will only make things feel that much more difficult for you.

FX can appreciate that there may be a part of you mourning what you had with your mother – that time with just the two of you together. There may be tremendous sadness and anger on your part that you no longer have her in the way you once did. FX thinks that that it is very important for you to have someone to talk to you about this. If you feel like you have tried to talk to your mother about this on your own, but it hasn’t been helpful, then ask your mother if you and she can speak to a family therapist together so that you both have a safe environment with the help of a third party to discuss your feelings and work towards resolving this issue. If your mother is resistant to the idea of family therapy, then FX thinks it is important for you to speak to a therapist individually so you have a space to process and work through your feelings, as well as support and guidance as you learn the best ways to cope with the situation.

FX does understand how difficult this is for you – and we think the most important thing for you right now is to reach out for help with how you are feeling and to not try and deal with all of this alone. The more you carry your feelings inside of you and keep them to yourself, the more angry and resentful you are probably going to get as time goes on.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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