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How Do I Get Over My First Love?

Published: May 12, 2017
Dear TeenHealthFX,
How do I get over not my first girlfriend but my first love? I still care about her quite a lot and it s been a month since we ve split, she used to tell me how I was the most loved partner of here of all time and yeah. Then a month ago we split, I couldn t handle it at all whilst she seemed fine, would snapchat her every 3 days saying I loved her and that I missed her with her response always being cute or even this one time where it was a middle finger from her friend, anyway she called me tonight and we had a nice chat I asked her whether she had gotten over me and she said yes 100%, so I asked her has she gotten with someone since and she said she s getting with someone right now (Sex before getting in a relationship) and there isn t a chance. As soon as she told me I said sorry I have to go bye in a tearful voice and not a second later she called back and asked what the problem was, I told her I still cares about her when she then told me that I need to get over it, sleep with a bunch of people etc (probably why she did which hurts me even more) I don t know what to do I ve never felt so hurt before, I know that I m clingy but what can I do? I feel how I do and I did have a good cry before I went to sleep but as you may be able to tell I just woke up again because I m thinking about her. Please help me stop loving her peacefully, I don t want to be a man whore.
Signed: How Do I Get Over My First Love?

Dear How Do I Get Over My First Love?,

TeenHealthFX can absolutely appreciate the pain that you are going through. Most people have experienced the loss of love in one way or another at some point in their lives. And whenever we lose someone we truly love, the fact is that it can be a very painful experience that can sometimes leave us feeling quite despondent.

To help you to deal with the pain you are feeling, TeenHealthFX wants you to consider the following:

  • It is normal to feel all kinds of emotions after a break-up, including pain, sadness, anger, disappointment, and anxiety. Remind yourself that these emotions are a totally understandable reaction to loss.
  • Grieving the loss of someone who was dear to us can be very difficult, but the intensity and frequency of negative emotions around it will decrease over time. It is important for you to remind yourself that things will eventually get better.
  • Make sure you are spending time with people who you care about and who care about you. Whether you are spending extra time with friends or family members it is important for you to have people to laugh with, have fun with, and to provide you with some healthy and helpful distractions.
  • Avoid temptations to reach out to your ex-girlfriend and her friends. In the end, this will only add to your pain and prolong your ability to heal. In addition, TeenHealthFX is concerned about the unkind ways in which your ex and some of her friends seem to be responding to you, and we do not want you to put yourself in the position to be treated poorly.
  • Do not look to things like “sleeping around” to make yourself feel better. Having sex with other people is not going to take away the pain you feel. If anything, it could make you feel worse because you might feel badly about yourself and you might feel even more lonely being intimate with people when there is no emotional connection.
  • Talk to people about what you are going through. Whether you speak to a parent, an extended family member, a friend, the parent or a friend, a counselor at school or even a private therapist, make sure you are talking to some trusted people in your life about your feelings so that they can provide you with the guidance and support you need to get through this.
  • For more information about dealing with a break-up you can read the TeensHealth article, Getting Over a Break-Up.

 

It is normal for break-ups to be difficult and for it to take some time for the pain and sadness to subside. However, if you find that you are really struggling with this, or you notice that there seems to be some problematic pattern in terms of who you get involved with and how those relationships seem to go, then consider meeting with a reputable private therapist, such as a clinical social worker or clinical psychologist.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX

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