If you really do care about this woman, FX thinks that it is very important for you to come clean about your age. Your relationship right now is partially based on false information about some pretty significant things about yourself. It leaves FX with some concerns about the foundation of this relationship, as well as some serious worries about what this misinformation could mean to your girlfriend. For one thing, someone she cares about is lying to her – that’s not a good feeling. Second, your dishonesty about your age puts her in a sticky situation in terms of being an adult who is dating a minor (it doesn’t matter in the eyes of the law that she doesn’t know). If you don’t tell this person the truth, you are really not thinking about her – and if she is as special as you make her out to be it sounds like she deserves the truth. It is very possible that this woman will not want to continue a romantic relationship with you once she learns that you are 6 years younger than she is – however, FX would view this as a good thing on her part as we do not view romantic relationships between a 14 and 20 year old as healthy for a variety of reasons.
In coming clean to this woman, FX suggests you let her know that you are sorry about lying to her, that you did not want to be at all hurtful to her, and that you realize how difficult this news will be to her given the lack of trustworthy people in her life right now. FX cannot know how she will feel and react – but we do know that by continuing as you are you are just another person in her life she cannot trust since you are lying to her about some very important facts of who you are.
In addition to our concerns about this woman and your relationship with her, FX is also concerned about what you are going through that you are choosing not be truthful with people you meet online about who you are. From what you said, it sounds like you are not feeling really understood and maybe even truly cared for by anyone in your life right now. But setting up romantic relationships with people 6 years older than you is not the healthiest of answers. If you are feeling alone, FX thinks that it is very important for you to reach out to trusted adults who can provide you with some support and guidance – such as a parent, a school counselor, or a private therapist – someone who can help you to deal with whatever issues are going on for you right now and who can help you to deal with any interpersonal issues you may find yourself dealing with so you are not feeling compelled to find online relationships with people so much older than you.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.